IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

most countries aim to improve their standard of living through economic development, but many important social values can be lost as a result. agree or disagree

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Although
Linking Words
 several nations enhance living conditions via financial development, many
skeptics
Change the spelling
sceptics
show examples
 assume that some social values might disappear gradually. The writer advocates that the benefits of economic growth including job prospects
along with
Linking Words
 a better healthcare system outweigh the drawback of local cuisines becoming unpopular. It is crucial to understand that if the financial sector witnesses an increase, there will be more well-paid jobs for local residents. To explain in more detail, a thriving
economy
Use synonyms
 always requires cooperation among numerous nations. Indeed, the
government
Use synonyms
 encourages international corporations that recruit a huge amount of local employees to set up their branches in these countries.
As a result
Linking Words
, these companies offer a higher salary compared to the local business, leading to more opportunities to seek a good career. Consider China as a prime example, where there has been a large number of international companies building factories and the average income per person of
this
Linking Words
 nation always reaches a peak for a decade. A higher quality healthcare system is considered another advantageous factor of economic prosperity.
This
Linking Words
 is because the companies having a big profit have to pay more taxes to the
government
Use synonyms
, and
then
Linking Words
 these funds are allocated to improve the healthcare facilities and research in order to modernize treatments.
For
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, the citizens are treated by modern and effective therapies, resulting in an increase in life expectations. 
However
Linking Words
, rapid progress in the
economy
Use synonyms
 can lead to the extinction of many local dishes.
Due to
Linking Words
 the fact that international transactions require both import and export, each nation has to balance them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, if the countries depend totally on exporting to boost the
economy
Use synonyms
, they must import goods from other ones, especially food.
Consequently
Linking Words
, the influx of foreign foods makes people consume them and avoid the local ones.
This
Linking Words
 point may be valid, but the
government
Use synonyms
 can export their traditional cuisines all over the world
as well as
Linking Words
 popularize their characteristics. In conclusion, the disadvantage of losing local tastes is outweighed by the advantages of job opportunities and better health conditions.
Hence
Linking Words
, it has been shown that the
government
Use synonyms
 should develop the
economy
Use synonyms
 with the purpose of improving living conditions.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To further improve the logical structure, ensure that each paragraph flows more smoothly into the next. Use more linking phrases and transitions. For example, phrases like 'Furthermore,' or 'Additionally,' can help to connect ideas more clearly.
task achievement
In some instances, explanations can be more detailed. Providing deeper analysis and elaboration on how job prospects and better healthcare are linked to economic growth would reinforce the argument.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy, particularly with article usage (e.g., 'a higher salary' vs. 'higher salary'). Although your mistakes are minor, eliminating them will enhance clarity and professionalism.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy for the reader to follow the main argument.
task achievement
The examples given, such as China with international companies, add weight to the argument and provide clear, relevant examples to support the claims.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • standard of living
  • economic development
  • quality of life
  • infrastructure
  • healthcare
  • education
  • job opportunities
  • unemployment
  • poverty
  • technological advancements
  • innovation
  • traditional cultural values
  • social bonds
  • material wealth
  • consumerism
  • social inequality
  • environmental conservation
  • wealth gap
  • vulnerable groups
What to do next:
Look at other essays: