In some parts of the world traditional festivals and celebrations have dissapeared or are disappearing. What problem is this causing? What measures could be taken to counter this solution?
Nowadays, many traditional
festivals
are disappearing or have already vanished, and it has become one of the major issues in many parts of the world. This
essay will discuss the causes of this
phenomenon and suggest solutions to counter its negative effects.
On the one hand, there are significant reasons caused by this
problem. Firstly
, as society has rapidly transitioned to the globalisation era. A great number of people have immigrated, and these changes make several new types of culture. For
this
reason, almost all traditional festivals
and events
are mixed, and even replaced by modern style. For instance
, in South Korea, even though there were a variety of conventional events
such
as funerals and holiday ceremonies, some traditions have completely disappeared.
On the other hand
, there are some suggestions to tackle this
issue. To begin
with, individuals should consider their local identities. It is undeniable that we can not avoid changing to the modern era. Despite the traditional festivals
have reformed, citizens should involve their own traditional aspects in new events
. Since these small efforts can protect national identities. Moreover
, the government play a crucial role in ensuring the country's traditions. Implementing the campaigns will help improve the public's awareness of conventional celebrates
and Replace the word
celebrations
festivals
. In this
case, they can encourage many local communities to hold local events
by funding. Therefore
, these efforts might lead to maintaining traditional festivals
.
In conclusion, although
it is a serious problem these days,
if individuals and the whole society work together to protect their traditions, Remove the comma
apply
this
worrying concern will be the problem of the past.Submitted by kimjy3329 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
While the essay covers both the problems and solutions related to the disappearance of traditional festivals, adding more specific examples would strengthen the arguments. For instance, mention particular traditional festivals and how they are being replaced would provide a more comprehensive response.
coherence cohesion
There is a good logical structure in place, but a more explicit connection between ideas would improve coherence. Use more linking words and varied sentence structures to enhance flow. Also, make sure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next.
language use
Some sentences could be clearer with the use of more precise language. For instance, 'As society has rapidly transitioned to the globalisation era' can be refined to 'As society rapidly transitions into the era of globalization.'
coherence cohesion
The essay has an effective introduction and conclusion that frame the main points well. The introductory paragraph clearly outlines what the essay will discuss, and the concluding paragraph effectively summarizes the points and provides a solution.
task achievement
The main points are well-supported with reasonable arguments. The essay does a good job of presenting both the problems and solutions—there is a clear balance between the two sections.
task achievement
The response is complete and addresses all parts of the question. The essay discusses both the problems caused by the disappearance of traditional festivals and the potential measures to counteract this trend.
Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic
Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.
You essay structure should look something like this:
- Introduction
- Body paragraph 1 – Problems
- Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
- Conclusion
Examples to start your body paragraph:
- One of the first problems of the...
- Another problem that needs to be considered...
- A possible solution to this problem would be...
- One immediate practical solution is to...