IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Many old buildings are protected by laws because they are part of a nation’s history. However, some people think they should be knocked down to make way for new ones because people need houses and offices. How important is it to maintain old buildings ? Should history stand in the way of progress ?

#buildings #laws #part #nation’s #history #people #ones #houses #offices #progress
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The clash
whether
Add a missing verb
is whether
show examples
 to protect old buildings
by laws
Add a hyphen
by-laws
show examples
 as they are part of a country’s
history
 or to pull them down to make way for not only residential but
also
 working sites. In my opinion, it is important to preserve long-standing construction and
history
 should not be sacrificed for the sake of progress. Without a shadow of a doubt, age-old buildings serve as historic testaments. And the explanation for
this
 could be that we can gain a comprehensive understanding of heritage.
For example
, The Temple of Literature, which is the first university
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 Vietnam, plays a crucial role in Vietnam’s education and serves as an ideal place for tourists to gain a deeper understanding of our nation’s educational
history
. To be more specific, the stele inscribed with the names of successful scholars highlights the temple’s role as an academic
center
Change the spelling
centre
show examples
.
Hence
, old buildings are tangible links to the past.
While
 the redeeming features of conserving antiquated constructions are widely acknowledged,
history
 should not hold back the way of progress. It is a key drive to flourish the economic strength. And the explanation for
this
 could be that it attracts thousands of tourists who flock every year, either domestic
travelers
Change the spelling
travellers
show examples
 or outbound tourists.
Moreover
, it generates job opportunities. To be more specific, the Imperial Citadel of Thang Long sells tickets for visitors to drop in in order to understand more about Vietnam’s
history
. So they have to hire more employees ranging from students to adults. By doing so, people’s lives can be enhanced. In conclusion, maintaining historic structures is crucial and they should not impede the way of progress.
Submitted by hominhtrang995 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main arguments. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop each paragraph fully with one clear main idea supported by detailed examples and explanations. Some paragraphs could be expanded for clarity.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a wider range of cohesive devices and discourse markers to link ideas more clearly and show the relationship between paragraphs. While your essay has a good logical flow, greater variety would enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced approach by discussing both views even if you have a strong opinion. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Include a discussion paragraph for the counter-view to enrich your argument.
Coherence and Cohesion
Revise and refine your conclusion to clearly restate your main argument and provide a summary of your key points. This reinforces your position and provides a strong finish to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: