Many old buildings are protected by laws because they are part of a nation’s history. However, some people think they should be knocked down to make way for new ones because people need houses and offices. How important is it to maintain old buildings ? Should history stand in the way of progress ?

#buildings #laws #part #nation’s #history #people #ones #houses #offices #progress

The clash

whether

Add a missing verb

is whether

show examples

to protect old buildings

by laws

Add a hyphen

by-laws

show examples

as they are part of a country’s

history

or to pull them down to make way for not only residential but

also

working sites. In my opinion, it is important to preserve long-standing construction and

history

should not be sacrificed for the sake of progress. Without a shadow of a doubt, age-old buildings serve as historic testaments. And the explanation for

this

could be that we can gain a comprehensive understanding of heritage.

For example

, The Temple of Literature, which is the first university

Change preposition

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Vietnam, plays a crucial role in Vietnam’s education and serves as an ideal place for tourists to gain a deeper understanding of our nation’s educational

history

. To be more specific, the stele inscribed with the names of successful scholars highlights the temple’s role as an academic

center

Change the spelling

centre

show examples

Hence

, old buildings are tangible links to the past.

While

the redeeming features of conserving antiquated constructions are widely acknowledged,

history

should not hold back the way of progress. It is a key drive to flourish the economic strength. And the explanation for

this

could be that it attracts thousands of tourists who flock every year, either domestic

travelers

Change the spelling

travellers

show examples

or outbound tourists.

Moreover

, it generates job opportunities. To be more specific, the Imperial Citadel of Thang Long sells tickets for visitors to drop in in order to understand more about Vietnam’s

history

. So they have to hire more employees ranging from students to adults. By doing so, people’s lives can be enhanced. In conclusion, maintaining historic structures is crucial and they should not impede the way of progress.

Submitted by hominhtrang995 on Fri Mar 22 2024

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Task Achievement

Provide a clear thesis statement in the introduction that outlines your main arguments. This helps in guiding the reader through your essay.

Task Achievement

Develop each paragraph fully with one clear main idea supported by detailed examples and explanations. Some paragraphs could be expanded for clarity.

Coherence and Cohesion

Use a wider range of cohesive devices and discourse markers to link ideas more clearly and show the relationship between paragraphs. While your essay has a good logical flow, greater variety would enhance readability.

Task Achievement

Ensure a balanced approach by discussing both views even if you have a strong opinion. This shows a comprehensive understanding of the topic. Include a discussion paragraph for the counter-view to enrich your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Revise and refine your conclusion to clearly restate your main argument and provide a summary of your key points. This reinforces your position and provides a strong finish to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

269 words

6.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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