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Band 3

Many people who care for the elderly do not have enough time to took after them. What is the problem related to this? What are some possie solution?

#people #care #time #possie
A lot of citizens who look forward to
older
Correct article usage
the older
show examples
 generation do not have much time to service themselves. The root cause for
this
 is elder people
too
Add a missing verb
are too
show examples
 old
take
Fix the infinitive
to take
show examples
care
themselves
Change preposition
of themselves
show examples
 and
also
 they easy to get sick than other young individuals, yet it can be solved by
focus
Wrong verb form
focusing
show examples
 on technology to develop
service
Fix the agreement mistake
services
show examples
 or donate money
on
Change preposition
to
show examples
 service
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
groups of
volunteer
Fix the agreement mistake
volunteers
show examples
. The underlying root of the problem is individuals taking
care
 of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
older people is too difficult. Older citizens spend their whole life to study,
to survive
Change the verb form
surviving
show examples
, to
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
 money so the result
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they may have
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
various issues
about
Change preposition
with
show examples
 their health
also
 they easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
cross with their own
care
.Another factor may be that the distance between
old
Correct article usage
the old
show examples
 and young
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
show examples
 is too far so
resident
Fix the agreement mistake
residents
show examples
 who take
care
 do not know what demand elderly want
then
 they have
work
Fix the infinitive
to work
show examples
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
harder. Perhaps a solution to the problem of the government should advertise and support them in some way to prevent the bad situation and
also
 reduce the amount of depression in old people.
Furthermore
,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 can create
a groups
Correct the article-noun agreement
groups
a group
show examples
 of teenagers to talk
or
Change preposition
to or
show examples
 visit
elderly
Correct article usage
the elderly
show examples
 to make them feel gladness. In conclusion,
this
 problem causes lots of health
mental
Correct word choice
and mental
show examples
 problems for citizens
take
Wrong verb form
taking
show examples
care
 of the elderly.
However
, the government have many ways to solve
that
Correct determiner usage
those
show examples
 issues.
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coherence cohesion
Work on enhancing grammar and sentence structure to convey your ideas more clearly.
task achievement
Use more specific examples to illustrate your points better.
coherence cohesion
Clearly explain the link between your main ideas and the solutions you propose.
task achievement
The essay addresses the problem and offers possible solutions, covering the main requirement of the question.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay.
task achievement
The ideas presented are relevant to the topic and show a good understanding of the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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