IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Ordinary people try to copy famous personalities by seeing them on T.V and reading them on newspaper. What is the reason? Is it a good or bad idea.

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There is no doubt that individuals get influenced very easily these days.
Although
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 some
people
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 believe that it is a superb thought to mimic popular celebrities by watching them on TV or reading about them in the newspaper, others argue that it is a poor idea. In
this
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 essay, I will discuss both views. On the one hand, those who believe, it is a great idea to copy them might argue that following popular personalities on TV or reading articles about them is a way they can learn about their lifestyle, fashion, and behaviour. Ordinary
people
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 try to adapt these things in their own lives to build a similar social status. They often try to use the same products which these famous figures are using to look more attractive.
Additionally
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, a few individuals
also
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 say that they have seen a positive result in their health by copying celebrities' diet charts and exercise.
On the other hand
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, some
people
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 think it makes an individual completely delusional. The media portrays superstar in a glamorous light, often highlighting their accomplishments and luxurious lifestyle. Many brands give money to actors to promote their products, making consumers that by using these products, they can be like their idols. Since everyone is stressed and dissatisfied,
this
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 drives them to follow what they see on screen or read which makes it a good escape from reality. In conclusion, some individuals feel that there are some benefits to copying famous
people
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 like following their diet, exercise, and social etiquette but few conflicts that one should not blindly mimic them and accept the reality.

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task achievement
You should aim to provide more specific examples to substantiate your claims. This will make your arguments stronger and more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Try to avoid some repetitive phrases and ensure that each of your ideas is followed up with a clear explanation and connection to the main thesis.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a solid introduction and conclusion, the conclusion could be slightly more detailed and better tied to the arguments presented in the body paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-structured with clear paragraphs that contribute to a logical flow of ideas.
task achievement
The introduction clearly presents the topic and the essay provides a balanced discussion of both sides of the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Admiration
  • Inspiration
  • Social Status
  • Emulating
  • Lifestyles
  • Self-Identity
  • Individuality
  • Unrealistic Standards
  • Perceived Success
  • Glamorous
  • Celebrities
  • Media Influence
  • Advertisements
  • Luxury
  • Coping Mechanism
  • Self-Perception
  • Mental Health
  • Anxiety
  • Depression
  • Personal Goals
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