IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays the public relies on their own
cars
Use synonyms
instead
Linking Words
 of using transport
such
Linking Words
 as buses, trains, metro, and taxis.
This
Linking Words
 essay will discuss the overreliance problems and propose possible solutions to avoid
this
Linking Words
 kind of problem. The main issue and the biggest in the seem time, in
this
Linking Words
 case,is traffic,
moreover
Linking Words
, it might cause a drop in the national economy. Generally, traffic is the most popular problem in the whole world and it is increasing more and more, relying on private
cars
Use synonyms
 is one of the issues reasons and crowd causes a lot of problems,
for example
Linking Words
,
for example
Linking Words
 going to work late and wasting most of the day in crowd,
on the other hand
Linking Words
 when the majority using their own
cars
Use synonyms
this
Linking Words
 implies that national economy will be decreased and
this
Linking Words
 will affect the state's budget. In my opinion, to avoid all that, on the whole, the government should promote the usage of transportation,
firstly
Linking Words
 they can do a discount on the card price or do suitable packages
such
Linking Words
 as family or friends packages
for instance
Linking Words
 when someone uses a bus 10 times the 11 should be free of charge to encourage them,
secondly
Linking Words
 increase in comfort amenities, people sometimes don't use the transit because it not comfortable to them, the government can do better work in seats
in addition
Linking Words
 the air conditioner, and provide a much more of transit options. In conclusion, lying in private
cars
Use synonyms
 leads to overreliance trouble,
therefore
Linking Words
 we can avoid that by promoting shipment and developing comfort.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

language
There are several grammatical errors in the essay, such as missing articles, incorrect verb forms, and punctuation issues. Reviewing and correcting these errors will enhance clarity. Consider proofreading the essay to identify and correct these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay mentions potential solutions, but it could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, when discussing government incentives, providing examples from specific countries or cities would make the argument more compelling.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easier for the reader to follow the flow of ideas.
content
The essay addresses both the problems associated with overreliance on cars and potential solutions, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
    What to do next:
    Look at other essays: