More and more people relying on private car as their major means of transportation. Describe some of the problem overreliances on cars can cause, and suggest at least one possible solution

Nowadays the public relies on their own
cars
instead
of using transport
such
as buses, trains, metro, and taxis.
This
essay will discuss the overreliance problems and propose possible solutions to avoid
this
kind of problem. The main issue and the biggest in the seem time, in
this
case,is traffic,
moreover
, it might cause a drop in the national economy. Generally, traffic is the most popular problem in the whole world and it is increasing more and more, relying on private
cars
is one of the issues reasons and crowd causes a lot of problems,
for example
,
for example
going to work late and wasting most of the day in crowd,
on the other hand
when the majority using their own
cars
this
implies that national economy will be decreased and
this
will affect the state's budget. In my opinion, to avoid all that, on the whole, the government should promote the usage of transportation,
firstly
they can do a discount on the card price or do suitable packages
such
as family or friends packages
for instance
when someone uses a bus 10 times the 11 should be free of charge to encourage them,
secondly
increase in comfort amenities, people sometimes don't use the transit because it not comfortable to them, the government can do better work in seats
in addition
the air conditioner, and provide a much more of transit options. In conclusion, lying in private
cars
leads to overreliance trouble,
therefore
we can avoid that by promoting shipment and developing comfort.
Submitted by thisana1 on

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language
There are several grammatical errors in the essay, such as missing articles, incorrect verb forms, and punctuation issues. Reviewing and correcting these errors will enhance clarity. Consider proofreading the essay to identify and correct these mistakes.
task achievement
The essay mentions potential solutions, but it could benefit from more specific examples and detailed explanations. For instance, when discussing government incentives, providing examples from specific countries or cities would make the argument more compelling.
structure
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This makes it easier for the reader to follow the flow of ideas.
content
The essay addresses both the problems associated with overreliance on cars and potential solutions, which shows a comprehensive understanding of the task.

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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