IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Most high-level positions in companies are filled by men even though the workforce in many developed countries is more than 50 per cent female. Companies should be required to allocate a certain percentage of these positions to women. To what extent do you agree?

The majority of the chief positions in the organisations are occupied by men,
while
Linking Words
 more than half the workforce is made up of
women
Use synonyms
. It is believed that establishments must allocate a certain number of seats for
women
Use synonyms
. I completely disagree, as the selection of candidates should be based on merit, and companies should be focused on profits.
Firstly
Linking Words
, job opportunities should be allocated based on objective, standardised criteria like skills, qualifications, and experience. Selecting the most capable individual, regardless of
gender
Use synonyms
, promotes fairness, motivates employees, and ensures equal opportunities.
Gender
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quotas
Use synonyms
,
however
Linking Words
, risk undermining merit by prioritising demographics over qualifications, potentially leading to resentment or a sense of unfairness. Studies show that performance-based promotions increase morale and fairness and reduce bias complaints. Genuine equity naturally arises from merit systems, making
quotas
Use synonyms
 unnecessary and potentially harmful.
Secondly
Linking Words
, companies should prioritise profitability and long-term success in their leadership appointments. The main goal is to maximise shareholder value through effective decision-making, innovation, and operational efficiency. Choosing the most suitable candidate based on capability rather than
gender
Use synonyms
 leads to better performance in critical roles. Both men and
women
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 are equally capable of excelling, but
quotas
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 risk overlooking more qualified individuals and could negatively impact financial results.
For example
Linking Words
, Saudi Aramco, a highly profitable company, has prospered with merit-based leadership
while
Linking Words
 increasing female representation and supporting
women
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's development initiatives.
This
Linking Words
 shows that performance-based selection can ensure success without enforcing
gender
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quotas
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. In conclusion, the allocation for leading positions should take into consideration the set standards and financial profits irrespective of
gender
Use synonyms
.

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content
Your view is clear and strong. You should add one more idea to show a fuller view of the topic.
coherence
Use more linking words to join ideas and to show how points fit together.
evidence
Try to add more facts or figures to back up claims, if possible.
stance
Clear choice against quotas.
structure
Good use of 'Firstly', 'Secondly', 'In conclusion' as signs.
evidence
Example of a real company to back points.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Gender diversity
  • Affirmative action
  • Meritocracy
  • Quotas
  • Glass ceiling
  • Legal enforcement
  • Tokenism
  • Voluntary measures
  • Career progression
  • Representation
  • Workforce parity
  • Backlash
  • Historical imbalances
  • Corporate governance
  • Inclusive practices
  • Boardroom dynamics
  • Gender norms
  • Unconscious bias
  • Regulatory frameworks
  • Corporate ladder
What to do next:
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