IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should bot be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #lives #celebrities #bot #media
According to
 a few
people
, the
lives
 of well-known
people
 who share their
lives
 should be limited by social media.
Although
 society can get new information and set new goals by following
celebrities
, ordinary
people
 may grasp the bright side of
celebrities
' characters. On the one hand, many
people
 think it is a great way to succeed in their whole life if
people
 always follow famous figures.
In other words
, followers can set new aims and get useful data that they do not ever know, and they have a chance to evolve the average class of life.
For example
, humans who live in the USA can watch the content of bloggers or famous businessmen; they may have the opportunity to obtain new challenges in order to live a successful life.
On the other hand
, other categories of
people
 disagree with following
celebrities
 since they may not see the bright side of their attitudes. On social media,
people
 cannot find solely useful content or ways to teach successful
lives
, and the young generation may not have an aptitude for analyzing
celebrities
'
lives
 before taking their own.
As a consequence
, young followers may grasp
Correct article usage
a
show examples
bad lifestyle and avoid the responsibilities.
For example
,
at the end
 of the 19th century, in developed countries, many movies were taken that depicted the
lives
 of
lives
 of famous criminals, which promoted violence and crime, which could increase the rate of crime and killing among young
people
. In conclusion, there are different types of ideas.
Although
this
 trend has positive effects on the public, it can impact young and even middle-aged
people
;
therefore
, I think it is equally important in equal majors.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Strengthen your introduction by clearly stating your position on the topic. It will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Expand on the explanation and relevance of your examples. This will help to illustrate your points more convincingly.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea that is well-supported with evidence or examples. This will enhance the clarity and depth of your argument.
coherence cohesion
Use linking words and phrases more effectively to ensure a smooth flow of ideas between and within paragraphs.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear viewpoint and attempts to address both sides of the argument.
coherence cohesion
There is a logical structure with separate paragraphs for different points.
task achievement
The use of examples to illustrate points provides a practical context for the discussion.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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