some people believe that allowing children to make their own choices on everyday matters ( such as food, clothe and entertainment) is likely to result in a society of individual s who only think about their own wishes. other people believe that it is important for children to make decisions about matters that affect them. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #children #choices #matters #food #entertainment #society #decisions

People have different views about whether

children

are allowed to make their own

decisions

would make them arrogant and selfish or it is significant about matters that influence them. I would lean towards the latter as I believe that

children

can benefit from making

choices

. On the one hand, it is argued that

children

's freedom in making

decision

Fix the agreement mistake

decisions

show examples

can affect their lives adversely.

Firstly

, when

children

are free to make

decisions

, they may assume that they are mature enough to be allowed to perform independently and

all

Correct word choice

that all

show examples

their

choices

are true. Whenever these

children

encounter the detrimental implications of their

choices

, they blame others and know them responsible for those impacts.

Therefore

, they will become spoilt and selfish.

Secondly

, these individuals will suffer from difficulties in their personal and professional lives in the future

due to

they always give the right to themselves and

not

Add a missing verb

are not

show examples

open to criticism and opposing views.

On the other hand

, there are several benefits for youngsters in learning how to make

decisions

. One of the main advantages is that they can make difficult

decisions

in their adult lives.

this

question arises

that

Change preposition

as to

show examples

how they can learn

this

skill. By way of example, Parents should teach their

children

Change preposition

show examples

their

Change the word

show examples

early

ages

Fix the agreement mistake

age

show examples

to choose between two items and ask them about the reasons and the effect of their decision on themselves and

people

Correct article usage

the people

show examples

around them.

Thus

, independence, critical- thinking, and confidence would

foster

Wrong verb form

be fostered

show examples

in them.

Also

, making mistakes in

choices

causes youngsters to learn from them so they would avoid making wrong

decisions

. In conclusion, In my point of view,

children

need to be given enough freedom to learn important skills which will be essential for their future.

Submitted by kmibehnaz98 on Sat Jan 13 2024

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Coherence & Cohesion

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Coherence & Cohesion

Provide a clear introduction, with thesis statement and a conclusion that summarises your main points and provides a clear opinion for a complete argument structure.

Coherence & Cohesion

Back up all main points with more detailed examples to support arguments and provide a more comprehensive coverage of the topic.

Task Achievement

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Task Achievement

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Task Achievement

Include a wider range of more detailed relevant examples to support your points, leading to a higher score in task response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

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Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

282 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

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