Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships

During

this

digital age, social bonds are being strengthened by advancements in modern

communication

technology. The writer agrees with the perspective that contemporary

communication

methods can enhance community cohesion and facilitate the expansion of social networks.

To begin

with, technological advancements foster closer connections between individuals within communities. By leveraging the convenience and versatility of digital devices, people can stay in touch with acquaintances indirectly through screens.

Consequently

, social cohesion is reinforced through these modern means of

communication

This

trend is evident globally, where interactions among citizens have been positively influenced by automation,

thus

debunking any notions of adverse effects.

Furthermore

, relationships can be extended even

further

with the latest innovations. Social media platforms accessible via mobile phones play a crucial role in expanding communities on a global scale, enabling users to connect with people both locally and internationally.

As a result

, barriers between different populations are broken down, fostering multicultural engagement.

For instance

, Facebook provides a platform for global interaction, with numerous groups created over the years aimed at facilitating connections among users. In conclusion, modern

communication

methods contribute to community cohesion and the expansion of social networks. Contrary to popular belief, these advancements are not exacerbating societal issues but rather enhancing social relationships.

Fri May 31 2024

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task achievement

To improve, consider providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. While mentioning Facebook is a good start, elaborating on specific ways people use the platform to build relationships would strengthen your argument.

coherence cohesion

To enhance cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Though your logical structure is quite strong, incorporating more linking words and phrases can further connect your ideas.

introduction conclusion present

The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion. Your viewpoints are clearly established, and you effectively summarize your arguments.

clear comprehensive ideas

You present clear and comprehensive ideas that strongly support your perspective. The arguments are logical and coherent, demonstrating a well-thought-out response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

for example
for instance
to illustrate this
to give a clear example
such as
namely
to illustrate
take, for example

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

205 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 8.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 9.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

face-to-face interactions
superficial relationships
meaningful conversations
notifications
long-distance relationships
online communities
social networks
social anxiety
digital communication
real-world interactions
over-reliance
detrimental effect
inhibit
deep social connections
distract

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Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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