IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
During
this
 digital age, social bonds are being strengthened by advancements in modern
communication
 technology. The writer agrees with the perspective that contemporary
communication
 methods can enhance community cohesion and facilitate the expansion of social networks.
To begin
 with, technological advancements foster closer connections between individuals within communities. By leveraging the convenience and versatility of digital devices, people can stay in touch with acquaintances indirectly through screens.
Consequently
, social cohesion is reinforced through these modern means of
communication
.
This
 trend is evident globally, where interactions among citizens have been positively influenced by automation,
thus
 debunking any notions of adverse effects.
Furthermore
, relationships can be extended even
further
 with the latest innovations. Social media platforms accessible via mobile phones play a crucial role in expanding communities on a global scale, enabling users to connect with people both locally and internationally.
As a result
, barriers between different populations are broken down, fostering multicultural engagement.
For instance
, Facebook provides a platform for global interaction, with numerous groups created over the years aimed at facilitating connections among users. In conclusion, modern
communication
 methods contribute to community cohesion and the expansion of social networks. Contrary to popular belief, these advancements are not exacerbating societal issues but rather enhancing social relationships.

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task achievement
To improve, consider providing more detailed and specific examples to support your points. While mentioning Facebook is a good start, elaborating on specific ways people use the platform to build relationships would strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
To enhance cohesion, ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Though your logical structure is quite strong, incorporating more linking words and phrases can further connect your ideas.
introduction conclusion present
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion. Your viewpoints are clearly established, and you effectively summarize your arguments.
clear comprehensive ideas
You present clear and comprehensive ideas that strongly support your perspective. The arguments are logical and coherent, demonstrating a well-thought-out response.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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