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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In many countries, women are allowed to take maternity leave from their jobs during the first months after the birth of their babies. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In many countries,
women
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 are entitled to take
maternity
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 leave during the first months following the birth of their children.
This
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 essay argues that the advantages of
maternity
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 leave far outweigh the disadvantages, as it allows mothers crucial time to recover physically and mentally,
while
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also
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 enhancing the public image of employers who provide
such
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 benefits. One of the most significant advantages of
maternity
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 leave is that it enables
women
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 to recover from the physical and emotional challenges of childbirth. Giving birth is a physically taxing process, and the postpartum period often comes with additional changes to a woman’s body,
along with
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 new responsibilities of caring for a newborn. Many
women
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also
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 experience postpartum depression, which can severely affect their mental well-being.
Therefore
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, granting
women
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 time off from work is essential for their recovery and
overall
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 well-being. A recent study by Harvard University revealed that over 83% of new mothers suffer from some form of postpartum depression or anxiety, underscoring the need for adequate
maternity
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 leave.
In addition
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 to benefiting
women
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,
maternity
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 leave contributes to a positive public image for employers. In today’s competitive job market, employees seek companies that value them not only as workers but
also
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 as individuals with personal needs and challenges. Offering
maternity
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 leave signals that a company is compassionate and family-friendly, which can attract highly skilled professionals and enhance employee loyalty.
Furthermore
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, a strong reputation for supporting employees can boost a company’s standing in the community.
For instance
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, a survey conducted in Saint Petersburg, Russia, found that 89% of respondents would reject job offers from companies that do not provide
maternity
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 or paternity leave, highlighting the importance of
such
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 benefits in fostering public goodwill. In conclusion, the advantages of
maternity
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 leave clearly outweigh the disadvantages. It provides essential support for
women
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 during a critical period of recovery,
while
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also
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 enhancing an employer’s reputation by demonstrating care and respect for employees. These benefits make
maternity
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 leave an invaluable policy in any workplace.

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cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next to maintain flow.
task achievement
While the essay is well-structured, an additional counterargument with a rebuttal could further strengthen the response.
coherence
The essay provides a clear introduction and a strong conclusion that reiterates the main points.
task achievement
The arguments are well-supported with relevant examples and statistics.
coherence
The logical structure of the essay is robust, making it easy to follow.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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