IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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In the information age, many individuals agree that up-to-date
contact
Use synonyms
devices
Use synonyms
 are creating detrimental issues relating to social relationships.
This
Linking Words
 writer is on the opposite side of
this
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 statement
due to
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 the convenience and realistic experience during connecting.
Firstly
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, it is undeniable that the convenience of contacting in emergency situations is necessary.
In other words
Linking Words
, smartphones and social media, which provide the ability to connect with other people, assist citizens with
contact
Use synonyms
 immediately in necessary situations.
For instance
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, Facebook and WhatsApp! play a crucial part in human life because of the convenience of communication these social platforms bring.
As a result
Linking Words
, citizens are able to connect with friends and family members easily and deal with the emergency scenario faster.
Secondly
Linking Words
, it must be understood that state-of-the-art
contact
Use synonyms
 technology can provide optimal assistance in connecting with the public more realistically.
Additionally
Linking Words
, the outstanding communication
devices
Use synonyms
 are able to provide a lively experience for users like 3D images and virtual
contact
Use synonyms
 that create beneficial conversation. Take Apple as a prime example,
this
Linking Words
 company has created state-of-the-art 3D glasses that allow users to move tabs, use multiple websites and attend numerous meetings at the same time,
as well as
Linking Words
 experience the surreal movements of individuals in a virtual community.
As a result
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, modern technological
devices
Use synonyms
 have brought users authentic experiences
while
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 using high-tech equipment. In conclusion, the capacity of connection by using these communication technologies is unlimited
besides
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 the surreal experiences.
Hence
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,
this
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 writer totally agrees that these technological
devices
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 can foster relationships
besides
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 the benefits provided.

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task achievement
Your essay would be stronger with a clearer thesis statement. Explicitly state your position: agree, disagree, or partially agree.
coherence cohesion
Make sure to provide a variety of linking words and phrases to enhance the logical flow between sentences and paragraphs.
supported main points
In the second body paragraph, try to explain more persuasively how these features contribute to better social relationships. This will make your argument more compelling.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion effectively frame your discussion, providing a clear start and end to your essay.
relevant specific examples
You provided relevant examples, such as Facebook, WhatsApp, and Apple, which help illustrate your points clearly.
logical structure
The essay maintains a clear and logical structure, making it easy to follow your arguments.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
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