IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

Some people think that the modern communication technology is having a negative effect on social relationships.To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #communication #technology #effect #relationships
In the cutting-edge era,
whether
Correct word choice
apply
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the
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apply
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communication by modern technology
have
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has
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 a bad influence or
good
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a good
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 impact on community relationships.
This
 writer believes that
although
people
 becoming
isolate
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isolated
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with
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from
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 real-life connections,
the
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apply
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worldwide association and
convenient
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convenience
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 are
on
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in
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 consideration. There is a comprehension that new means of
communications
Fix the agreement mistake
communication
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 enable
people
 access to each other immediately. In the details, it is the society that
get
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gets
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 closer by global relations and
increase
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increases
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 the strong companionship between countries. Apps
such
 as Facebook, Twitter and Telegram,
for example
, allow
people
text
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to text
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 with
people
oversea
Correct your spelling
overseas
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 without taking any charges or taxes. As a
results
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result
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, the approach of new
cultural
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cultures
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 and languages
are
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is
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 now easier than it used to be, opens up
job
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the job
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 market widely and
expanded
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expands
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than
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more than
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 ever.
However
, online
message
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messages
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 make inhabitants distinguish
them
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themselves
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 from
public
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the public
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in
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from
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 an against
point
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the point
a point
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.
Additionally
,
population’s
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the population’s
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 awareness about the traditional conversation is concerned to
be disappeared
Wrong verb form
disappear
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 in the foreseeable future.
For instance
, a downward trend in
communicate
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communication
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 of
organization
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organizations
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 was seen in
past
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the past
show examples
a
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apply
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decade
due to
 the evolution of digital equipment
occurred
Verb problem
apply
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in Japan. Yet, the convenience brings the benefit in work and
people
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people's
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 daily life cannot be denied.
Thereby
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Therefore
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, more and more
people
 now choose
using
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to use
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the
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apply
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modern conversation as
the
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apply
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part of their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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 and create more functions to help
the
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apply
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globalization. To sum it into an account, the strong
connecting
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connection
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 of community and the improvement in conversation are benefits
from
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of
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 the modern technique of
get
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getting
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 in contact. Despite the fact that the connection of outside society decreased, everyone still keeps
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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in balance between digital space and human life.

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coherence
Enhance the clarity of ideas by structuring sentences more clearly and coherently. Avoid ambiguous expressions and ensure the arguments flow logically from one to another.
task response
Strengthen your main points with more specific and relevant examples. Examples should be directly linked to the arguments you are making.
task response
Make sure to address all parts of the essay prompt thoroughly. While you discussed both positive and negative aspects of modern communication technology, provide a bit more detail and balance in your discussion.
task response
The essay presents a balanced view, considering both positive and negative aspects of modern communication technology.
coherence
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay and provide a clear overview of your stance.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • face-to-face interactions
  • superficial relationships
  • meaningful conversations
  • notifications
  • long-distance relationships
  • online communities
  • social networks
  • social anxiety
  • digital communication
  • real-world interactions
  • over-reliance
  • detrimental effect
  • inhibit
  • deep social connections
  • distract
What to do next:
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