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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think everyone should be a vegetarian because we don't need to eat meat to stay healthy . to what extent do you agree or disagree?

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The individual's perception of
meat
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 demonstrated that consuming
meat
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 can not aid our health.
Although
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meat
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 is excluded from
a
Correct article usage
the
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 diet of many
people
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due to
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 some drawbacks by bacteria or parasites within it, it has proven the importance of
meat
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 to
building
Change the form of the verb
build
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 up a healthier body.
Meat
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 ought to be part of daily consumption as it can help
people
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 to strengthen their bones or mental activities during the day. In fact, any type of
meat
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 is rich in essential elements,
such
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 as iron, zinc and a huge amount of protein which is not possible to compensate for by eating greener foods.
For instance
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, the majority of vegans usually suffer from chronic headaches or less activity during the day as they lack vitamins or minerals that may be contained in some types of
meat
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 rather than vegetables or fruit.
Therefore
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,
people
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 are advised to take an average amount of
meat
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 to avoid insufficiency in their bodies. On the other side, we could analyze that
meat
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's effect has already been known to everyone. If we eat fried
meat
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, it leads to some detrimental bacteria and parasites in our organisms, especially in our liver. So
then
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, it requires surgeons to cure its sickness.
According to
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 researchers, it has been accepted that humans can easily be sick of
meat
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 when it is spoiled or derelict, and they advised that braised
meat
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 is the finest way to eat it, in any case.
Thus
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, many
people
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 have just ignored consuming
meat
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 after considering the abovementioned detriments. In conclusion, if we consume
meat
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 in a proper method, it would be beneficial for our well-being, and definitely, there will not be any issues with our healthy diet and lifestyle.

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task achievement
In your essay, try to present a more focused and clear thesis statement. This will make your argument more evident and engaging for the reader.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that the body paragraphs begin with clear topic sentences that indicate the main idea of each paragraph. This will help to improve the essay’s logical structure.
task achievement
Develop your points with more specific examples and evidence. This will make your arguments more convincing and demonstrate a deep understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Strive for smoother transitions between sentences and paragraphs. This will enhance the overall flow of your essay and make it easier to follow.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the argument, showing a balanced perspective.
task achievement
The essay presents relevant and meaningful examples to support the points made.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion which frame the essay well.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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