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Writing Samples
Band 5

Pie chart bellow give information about the house hold expenditures of an average vs family in different years. summarizes the information by selecting and reporting the main features

Pie chart bellow give information about the house hold expenditures of an average vs family in different years. summarizes the information by selecting and reporting the main features
#bellow #information #house #expenditures #years #features
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The pie graphs compare information about the spending patterns in
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 on housing, transport, food, and healthcare.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
people
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 spend more
money
Use synonyms
 on other goods and services than in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 citizens in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 spend the highest amount of
money
Use synonyms
 on foodstuff. In
Japan
Use synonyms
, 29%
Use synonyms
money
Change preposition
of money
show examples
spent
Add a missing verb
is spent
show examples
 on other goods and services, which is higher than
Malaysia
Use synonyms
's by 3%.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 spend 27% of their
money
Use synonyms
 on food,
whereas
Linking Words
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 spend 24%. Housing
costs
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 34% of their
money
Use synonyms
, in comparison with
Japan
Use synonyms
 at 29%.
However
Linking Words
, healthcare
costs
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in
Japan
Use synonyms
 6%, but in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, it
costs
Use synonyms
 them only 3%. Transportation
costs
Use synonyms
 families in
Japan
Use synonyms
 a fifth of their
money
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 it
costs
Use synonyms
people
Use synonyms
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 only 10%.
Submitted by nidaa_hamed on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia, people, money, costs with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Only 6 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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