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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Some people think that parents should teach their children how to be good members of society. Others, however, believe that school is the best place to learn this. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place
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Some people believe that
children
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 should be taught by their
parents
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 about how to function as useful members of
society
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,
while
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 others believe that sending
children
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 to educational institutions is the best way for them to study
this
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.
Although
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 the latter opinion can be beneficial in some cases, I believe that family upbringing plays a more important role in educating
children
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 to be good parts of the community.
Schools
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 can be considered suitable places for
children
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 to learn to be good citizens. With standardized educational methods,
schools
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 can foster
children
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’s cognitive development so that they are able to contribute to
society
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 in the future.
For example
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, Trung Vuong School and Vinschool are well known for having nurtured successful alumni
such
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 as Professor Ngo Bao, and Professor Nguyen Hung who have devoted their talents to the development of the country.
However
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, these people only represent a small fraction of the total number of students attending
schools
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, and
thus
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 sending
children
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 to
schools
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 cannot be the best method of educating them to be good members of
society
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. I believe that
parents
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 play a more important role in teaching them how to be good citizens. In Vietnam, the average class size is 20 students, which makes it difficult for educators to provide proper schooling for each student. One-to-one lessons at home,
on the other hand
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, allow
children
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 to progress faster.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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 form stronger bonds with their offspring and
thus
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, it is easier for them to shape
children
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’s personalities at an early age.
For example
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, by telling stories
such
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 as Robin Hood, and Cinderella before bedtime,
parents
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 can instil a sense of compassion and integrity into them. These
children
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 are likely to become good members of
society
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 when they grow up. In conclusion,
although
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 sending
children
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 to school can be seen as a way of teaching them how to be good citizens, I believe that domestic upbringing has a bigger impact on determining who they are in the future.
Submitted by amirahmadi9301 on

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task achievement
Try to include a counterargument to show that you have considered all aspects of the issue. This will strengthen your essay.
task achievement
Ensure that every point you make is elaborated with more specific examples or explanations to add depth to your argumentation.
coherence cohesion
Although your cohesion is quite strong, make sure to use a variety of linking words to improve the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear and logical structure, with distinct paragraphs for different ideas.
coherence cohesion
You have provided a strong introduction and conclusion, which frame your essay well.
task achievement
The examples you used are relevant and help to illustrate your points effectively.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • good members of society
  • teach
  • parents
  • schools
  • responsibility
  • values
  • respect
  • empathy
  • responsibility
  • formal education
  • citizenship
  • ethics
  • social responsibility
  • lead by example
  • role models
  • conducive environment
  • extracurricular activities
  • community involvement
  • collaborate
  • holistic approach
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