Some people say that parents should encourage their children to take part in organised group activities in their free time. Others say that It is important for children to learn how to occupy themselves on their own. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Some folks claim that
children
should be encouraged to do group
games and activities
in their leisure time, while
others
believe that children
should learn how to enjoy their loneliness and try to occupy themselves on their own. I think it is not only important for them to have the self-occupancy ability but also
they should take part in group
activities
as much as possible.
Some individuals argue children
should be supported to do group
activities
in their free time. They think children
are able to improve their soft skills
through these kinds of activities
. For instance
, children
can learn the benefits of communication and helping others
in these games. However
, it is important for them to understand that they should not tie their feelings and happiness to the presence of others
.
On the flip side, others
believe, children
should be able to occupy themselves independently. They mention that others
are not always present for us to join them, so it is a crucial skill for children
to deal with their loneliness from a young age. For example
, they may immigrate in the future and they have to live and try to occupy themselves on their own. Needless to say, the consequences of raising children
in this
way would be their depression and lack of communication skills
in the future.
I believe we should take the middle of the debate. Indeed, children
should be encouraged to learn how to live and occupy themselves on their own while
they use all their chances to communicate with other children
and join group
activities
to improve their knowledge and ability for future life. Moreover
, with this
strategy children
will be able to gain crucial skills
and enough self-confidence which make them ready to live as adults.
In conclusion, I believe both the self-occupancy ability and also
the skills
which can be gained from group
activities
are crucial for adulthood.Submitted by ali on
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task achievement
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea which is developed with specific examples. While the essay presents both sides of the argument, it lacks detailed examples to fully support the points being made, thus specific and real-world examples should be included to strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Work on logically ordering your ideas and maintaining paragraph unity. Although the essay has a recognizable structure, there is room for improvement in how ideas are sequenced, transitions are used, and how clearly each paragraph's idea is connected to the main topic. The use of cohesive devices and varied sentence structures will also enhance coherence.