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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays,people are choosing to socialise online rather than face-to-face. Is this a positive or negative development

#people #socialise #development
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It can not be denied that technological advancements have brought a diverse range of possibilities in every aspect of life, and they can
also
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 be seen in today’s online communication ways of individuals.
Although
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 they made it easier to keep in touch with loved ones, I believe It is a negative development
due to
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 a sense of
isolation
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as well as
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 blackmailing when sharing
videos
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 or
photos
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. One serious problem caused by online socializing is that It could lead to
isolation
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. In the past people would converse by meeting face-to-face in order to discuss their daily life
instead
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 of using virtual communication. That’s why, having been in a social group which gave them more opportunities to share ideas and events that occurred during their personal lives, never had they felt isolated from society.
However
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, today’s generation is utilizing social media platforms
such
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 as Facebook,Instagram and Telegram without knowing the consequences which could pose the risk of
isolation
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 in the end. Another issue stemming from the use of virtual communication is blackmailing. What I mean by mentioning
that is
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 that when users share their personal
photos
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 or
videos
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 with their close friends via Telegram or WhatsApp, there seems to be risk involved, as they might change in the long term and use that shared privacy against them when they turn into enemies or rivals later.
For example
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, when couples have a relationship, they tend to share some intimate
photos
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 or
videos
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,
thus
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 making them closer.
However
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, some people could use these personal belongings to frame loved ones, demanding money so that they will not post their
photos
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 and
videos
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 publicly which may eventually cause some embarrassment.
Therefore
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, using social media to talk to friends or whomever may bring some threat to the private lives of individuals. By way of conclusion, even though social media platforms tend to favour people in some ways, I believe problems they cause
such
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 as
isolation
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 and framing mean they have not brought positive developments on most occasions.
Submitted by a_zamjonov99 on

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task and presents a clear opinion. However, ensure that each argument is fully developed with more specific details and examples to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving the logical structure of your essay by making sure each paragraph flows smoothly into the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to guide the reader through your points.
coherence cohesion
While your conclusion summarizes your points well, try to restate your main ideas more succinctly to reinforce your argument without being repetitious.
coherence cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the main topic and includes a clear thesis statement.
task achievement
You provided relevant examples, such as those about couples sharing intimate photos, which helps to illustrate your points.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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