More and more people are moving away from an agricultural background to relocate to cities in order to look for work. What will be the consequences of this? What solutions can you offer?

A large number of working people are migrating to large cities in search of better job opportunities.
Due to
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this
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reason , the cost of living increases in urban areas. I think creating more jobs in the village might encourage the workforce not to move. Migration leads to an imbalance in the financial structure of a particular country. The crowd usually shift to different cities to find a better job and improve their standard of living because they do not have much scope for work in the agricultural sector.
As a result
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, the population increases in urban places and
due to
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less supply and higher demand , things become more expensive,
such
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as rent, food, and education fees.
For example
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, the basic milk is $ 20 in the financial capital of India, called Bombay,
whereas
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in small towns it's only $10. There are some viable solutions to control the migration of people. The government can encourage foreign crop production firms to educate farmers to do in-house crop farming.
This
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is to say that if they produce a large quantity of crops,
then
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the farmers will employ their own villagers as labour.
For instance
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, the Bali government has educated their community to do rice farming in the mountains by applying the terrace method. To operate
this
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technique, more workforce is needed , and farmers hire their own villagers.
To conclude
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, there are many consequences if people continue to move to different places , but the major impact is on finances.
However
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, I believe that spreading awareness of different technologies to improve agricultural products will create more jobs and eventually balance both areas.

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task response
Strengthen task response by stating a clear view at the start and restating it in the conclusion. Fully answer both parts of the task: consequences and solutions.
coherence
Make a clear order of ideas. Use paragraphs with one main idea each. Use linking words to connect ideas.
language
Improve grammar and language. Use simple, correct sentences. Check subject-verb form and plural use.
content
Offer more real, simple examples that relate to the topic. Avoid wrong facts or numbers you are not sure about.
style
Use clean spelling and punctuation. Keep sentences medium size and avoid long or run-on sentences.
content
The essay tries to cover both costs in cities and how farming can keep people in towns.
structure
There is a fair link made between migration and price rise in cities.
language
There is a clear plan to use farming and terrace farming as a solution.
Your opinion

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