There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, adolescents are pressured to excel academically.
Hence
, numerous people think that to succeed in the academic category, non-academic subjects
like cookery and physical education should be removed from the school syllabus. I strongly disagree with this
opinion, this
is because there are many ways to be a successful person, not only academically.
First and foremost, being academically smart is great, due to
the fact that it will bring many opportunities in the future. However
, success in life is not only defined by academic work. Many people have carved their path to becoming successful in the non-academic sector. For instance
, in the old times, there was Pablo Picasso, an extraordinary painter. He was crowned as one of the most successful painters of all time. That was proof that it is achievable to succeed from the non-academic lane.
Secondly
, doing work besides
learning science subjects
in school will benefit the kids with more creativity. It will activate their right brains, allowing them to think out of the box, be
different on good terms. Correct word choice
and be
Moreover
, doing subjects
like physical education can make children healthier and happier, this
is because Correct article usage
the dopamine
dopamine
hormone will be released during exercise.
In conclusion, I do not recommend removing non-academic Correct article usage
the dopamine
subjects
in order to make youngsters excel academically. By learning both subjects
, they will become a complete person. Being balanced in both of their brains will resulting a great outcome. Excel in academics does not mean neglecting the non-academic. Moreover
, there are many proofs that people can succeed from different paths, not only from the academic sector.Submitted by nputera.ramadhani on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear and distinct main idea. This will improve the logical structure, making it easier for the reader to follow your argument.
task achievement
Some sentences can be more concise. Try to avoid redundancy, such as 'excel academically in academic category.' Consider using variety in your sentence structures as well.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are well-written and clearly outline the main argument of the essay.
task achievement
Main points are well-supported with relevant examples, such as the mention of Pablo Picasso, which strengthens the argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses all parts of the prompt, providing a well-rounded discussion on the topic.