Some people feel that the private lives of celebrities should not be openly shared by the media. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The phenomenon of
famos
individuals who are observed by many Correct your spelling
famous
people
throught
modern technologies causes Correct your spelling
through
throughout
disscusion
about Correct your spelling
discussion
boundaries
of popular ones. Some Correct article usage
the boundaries
people
prove that personal space should be private and other
explain, with which I agree, that Fix the agreement mistake
others
celebrities
should be on a loop of media.
To begin
with, the will of celebrities
to be on
the Change preposition
at
central
of public attention as the cause against personal Replace the word
centre
lives
Fix the agreement mistake
life
protecton
will be considered. Correct your spelling
protection
For instance
, some unpopular artists or movie stars may dream to have
many fans and followers who desire Change preposition
of having
observe
all aspects of their objects of worship activities. Fix the infinitive
to observe
This
is because some individuals feel positive emotions from being popular and in their minds could be the thought the bigger attention
the better. If they did not wish public approval they Correct article usage
the attention
whould
not Correct your spelling
would
chose
a major Wrong verb form
choose
such
as a moovie
star, Correct your spelling
movie
or
a blogger, or a Correct word choice
apply
politition
. Correct your spelling
politician
As a result
, the core value
of some Fix the agreement mistake
values
ceelebrities
may contradict the idea of being private.
Correct your spelling
celebrities
Secondly
, the restriction of sharing personal information of celebrities
by media plays directly opposite to rights
of Correct article usage
the rights
follovers
and fans of Correct your spelling
followers
celebrities
. In my country
Add a comma
country,
people
spend thousands Change preposition
of dollar
dollar
on singers, so the impact of money and Fix the agreement mistake
dollars
attention
of followers have to be returned by Correct article usage
the attention
celebrities
in the form of creation
Correct article usage
the creation
Change preposition
of intresting
intresting
content from their lives. Another example is Correct your spelling
interesting
polititions
who are popular because voters trust them and have to achieve information that Correct your spelling
politicians
call
into question the Change the verb form
calls
crediability
of Correct your spelling
credibility
polititions
. Alternatively, Correct your spelling
politicians
people
will support their favorite
actors, singers, Change the spelling
favourite
Correct word choice
and polititions
polititions
and will not get back full data about those individuals.
In conclusion, from the side of Correct your spelling
politicians
celebrities
permission of
Change preposition
to
shering
personal information may enhanceCorrect your spelling
sharing
Correct article usage
the
comprehantion
of their popularity. Correct your spelling
comprehension
On the other hand
, subscribers and followers have Correct article usage
the rights
rights
to be fully informed, so based on Fix the agreement mistake
right
this
2 arguments I believe that Correct determiner usage
these
Correct article usage
the privete
privete
lives of Correct your spelling
private
famos
Correct your spelling
famous
people
should be put out by media
.Correct article usage
the media
Submitted by sergeybelov83 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Grammar
Make sure you're using correct grammar, especially with noun-verb agreement ('The phenomenon of famous individuals who are observed by many people... causes discussions').
Spelling
Pay attention to spelling ('famous,' 'observation,' 'discussion'). Use a spell checker if needed.
Examples
Your arguments are clear, but they could benefit from more detailed and specific examples. Try to add more concrete illustrations of your points.
Transitions
Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and flows logically to the next. Consider using more transitional phrases to improve flow ('Additionally,' 'Moreover,' 'On the contrary').
Consistency
You presented both sides of the argument well, and your position is clear.
Structure
The essay has a strong introduction and conclusion.
Analytical skills
You demonstrated critical thinking by considering the perspective of celebrities and their followers.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.