Some people believe that children’s leisure activities must be educational, otherwise they are acomplete waste of time. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience
Some people believe that children's leisure activities are a waste of time unless they are educational.
This
is a common belief amongst many parents
especially in today's competitive world where every child is being pushed to their limits in terms of squeezing the most in to
their brains in the shortest amount of time. Join the words
into
However
, while
it may be beneficial for the little ones to take part in educational activities but
doing so at all times may hinder them in the Correct word choice
apply
long-term
rather than boosting their journey through life. I believe striking a balance between leisurely and educational pursuits is key to the child's development.
Correct your spelling
long term
While
some argue the importance of monitoring and getting the most out of any task a child performs is paramount. For instance
, in kindergartens
children are provided with an environment filled with opportunities to learn and Add a comma
kindergartens,
discovers
new methods of thinking be it by solving little Change the verb form
discover
puzzled
or making a castle with blocks. In my experience, when I was teaching kindergarteners in China for one year, not having a plan for the day and letting the little kids lead without any guidance would ensue pure chaos. Fix the agreement mistake
puzzles
In contrast
, carefully taking them through various tasks in a monitored environment ends up in them having fun and at the same time absorbing new ways to utilise objects around them. Therefore
, it is believed that children absorb their surroundings and every event they take part in should have an enlightening aspect to it.
On the other hand
, those in favour of leaving toddlers to their own imagination often signify the importance of the kids' independence and free thinking. For example
, I have two nephews each from a different brother. Interestingly, one of them is carefully monitored throughout the day with his parents
constantly trying to educate him into being
a useful individual in the family and make use of himself Change preposition
to be
through
attempting worthwhile tasks. Despite that, he is usually unhappy and not willing to comply with his Change preposition
by
parents
. Conversely
, the other nephew has more freedom. Although
, monitored but not as
much as his cousin. Correct word choice
However
As a result
, he exhibits a positive interest in doing house chores by mirroring his parents
' behaviour.
In conclusion, it is crucial to find a balance between play and schooling. By finding a sweet spot the young ones can keep an interest in the task at hand all the while
being tutored in different aspects.Submitted by James
on
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coherence cohesion
Strengthen the logical structure of your essay. While your introduction and conclusion are clear, the body paragraphs could be more logically organized. Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single main idea and transitions smoothly from one to the next.
task achievement
Work on expressing clear and comprehensive ideas. Some sentences are a bit convoluted and hard to follow. Simplify your sentence structures wherever possible to enhance readability and clarity.
task achievement
Use more relevant and specific examples. While your personal experiences are useful, they sometimes come across as anecdotal rather than illustrative of a broader point. It might be better to include examples that are more universally relatable.
task achievement
You've done a great job presenting a balanced view by discussing both sides of the argument. This demonstrates a good understanding of the topic and acknowledges different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction is engaging and sets the tone for the rest of the essay. It clearly outlines your stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your main points and reiterates your stance without simply repeating the introduction.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example