Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

#celebrities #money #politicians #development

While

it is widely claimed that

celebrities

yield more

money

than

politicians

, others argue that . Both

point

Fix the agreement mistake

points

show examples

views

Fix the agreement mistake

view

show examples

and reasons why I believe that it may result in a negative effect will be elaborated on in

this

essay.

To begin

with, it may

seems

Change the verb form

seem

show examples

sensible for some to believe that

celebrities

earn greater

money

due to

personally

Change the word

personal

show examples

favouritism.

This

possibly

Replace the adverb

possible

show examples

because monetary

supports

Fix the agreement mistake

support

show examples

often

acted

Wrong verb form

acts

show examples

symbol

Add an article

a symbol

show examples

of affection from the fans in return

Change preposition

for

show examples

the

entertaining

Replace the word

entertainment

show examples

they get. Unlike

politicians

, their role is clearly to serve the country rather than

seeking

Wrong verb form

seek

show examples

fame. People

viewed

Wrong verb form

view

show examples

that the salary that

politicians

recieved

Correct your spelling

receive

come

Wrong verb form

comes

show examples

from taxes we

paid

Wrong verb form

pay

show examples

and

that is

no wonder why they gain

fewer

Correct quantifier usage

less

show examples

money

. Many opponents of

this

idea might

opposed

Change the verb form

oppose

be opposed

show examples

that the popularity of renowned

peoples

Fix the agreement mistake

people

show examples

than

Rephrase

rather than

show examples

politician

Fix the agreement mistake

politicians

show examples

could bring a benefit

toward

Change preposition

show examples

the country.

To simply

Change preposition

Simply

show examples

explain, they could be a soft power for one's nation to spread its culture and

improving

Wrong verb form

improve

show examples

its economics. Take Korea,

For example

;

due to

k-drama

Change the capitalization

K-drama

show examples

and

k-pop

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K-pop

show examples

that

distributed

Add a missing verb

are distributed

show examples

globally nowadays,

Correct the article-noun agreement

apply

show examples

well-known

korean

Change the capitalization

Korean

show examples

celebrities

result in numerous trends and activities that make its nation become popular in today's world.

However

, I personally argue in favour of maleficent development seeing that

celebrities

as you might

supports

Change the verb form

support

show examples

. It is understandable that

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

celebrities

often

neglects

Change the verb form

neglect

show examples

when it comes to bank statement checking

while

for

Change preposition

apply

show examples

politician

Fix the agreement mistake

politicians

show examples

it is

Verb problem

place

show examples

much emphasis on that.

For example

, a former member of

korean

Correct your spelling

famous boy band, Seungri, who accused of prostitution. In summary,

althought

Correct your spelling

although

it is undeniable that

celebrities

gaining more

money

than

politicians

could lead

both

Change preposition

to both

show examples

good and bad development

toward

Change preposition

show examples

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

society, I am of the opinion that its detrimental outcomes

outweight

Correct your spelling

outweigh

its beneficial effects.

Submitted by kamonluck1999 on Sun Jun 02 2024

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task achievement

Address and balance both aspects of the question – the reasons why celebrities earn more, and whether this is a positive or negative development. Ensure you provide sufficient details for both aspects.

task achievement

Make sure examples are specific and well-explained. The example of Seungri, for instance, should be better tied to the argument and discussed more comprehensively.

coherence and cohesion

Improve sentence structures to avoid awkward phrasing and grammatical errors. This will help convey ideas more clearly.

coherence and cohesion

Maintain a clear and logical structure. Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by examples or arguments.

coherence and cohesion

Provide statements that directly connect back to the main argument in each paragraph, reinforcing the overall position. This will enhance logical flow and coherence.

task achievement

The essay shows a good understanding of the topic by highlighting that celebrities and politicians have different roles and sources of income.

coherence and cohesion

The essay provides an introduction and a conclusion that frame the discussion, contributing to a coherent structure.

coherence and cohesion

There is a clear attempt to discuss both sides of the issue, which demonstrates a balanced perspective.

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
3Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
40Grammar mistakes
 

5 paragraphs

284 words

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Topic Vocabulary:

endorsements
revenue streams
global presence
diversified branding
income sources
free-market principles
market value
government budgets
public funds
public perception
value generation
bureaucratic
consumer spending
economic implications

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Nowadays celebrities earn more money than politicians. What are the reasons for this? Is it a positive or negative development?

Some people say History is one of the most important school subjects. Other people think that, in today’s world, subjects like science and technology are more important than history. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

Many people find it difficult to speak in front of and to present to an audience. It is believed that this skill should be taught in school. Why is this important? To what extent do you agree or disagree with it?

The government should ban smoking in all public places, even though this would restrict some other people’s freedoms. Do you agree or disagree

Computers and AI technology are increasingly used for online education. Can artificial intelligence enhance the learning experience? Is this a positive or negative development?

Some countries are struggling with an increase in crime rates. Many people think that having more police on the streets is the only way to reduce crime. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?