IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that too much money has been spent looking after and repairing old buildings, so we should knock down old buildings and build modern ones instead. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #money #buildings #ones
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The majority holds a belief that there is a large amount of the budget was spent on preserving some aged constructions,
while
 the others argue that the contemporary
buildings
 need to be replaced with the old ones. The writer of
this
 essay agrees with the first statement
due to
 raising residents' awareness about historical value
as well as
 developing the internal economy. Enhancing the
locals
' recognition of the value of history is one of the core reasons why authorities need to protect old
buildings
.
This
 is to say, nowadays, many youngsters and older people tend to misunderstand historical values
due to
 the way of teaching at school being ineffective, just only through the books' theories and lack of exercise or trips.
However
, spending money to look after old
buildings
 and encouraging the
locals
 to spend their time for travel in these places can enlighten their knowledge of the history and they can give their hands to protect these old
buildings
. Take Finland as an example, all the residents of
this
country
 are always having an awareness of protecting old
buildings
 by the government providing free tickets for
locals
 to travel to these places. Another factor which
also
 contributes to maintaining the aged building is improving the
country
's economy. To simplify
this
 statement, old
buildings
 can be used for tourist attractions, which means they can provide more jobs for the
locals
such
 as sellers or tour guides.
Moreover
, it
also
 can tighten the travel diplomatic ties with many countries by appealing to numerous foreign tourists through images or news.
For instance
,
according to
 BBC News, Thailand is a
country
 whose travelling economics and the number of foreign travellers both experienced an upward trend in the
last
 10 years, respectively.
Thus
,
instead
 of seeing a replacement for modern constructions, governments need to preserve the old
buildings
 because it can bring many benefits to the
country
such
 as improving
locals
' consciousness of history value
as well as
 enhancing the internal economy.
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introduction conclusion present
Your introduction effectively sets the stage for the essay, but could be clearer in terms of the thesis statement. Ensure that your stance is explicitly stated to guide the reader better.
logical structure
While the essay is generally cohesive and ideas flow logically, work on improving the connection between sentences and paragraphs. Using more varied linking phrases can enhance clarity.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant and specific examples which add credibility to your arguments. Continue to incorporate such examples to reinforce your points.
logical structure
The essay is generally well-structured with clearly defined body paragraphs that support your arguments effectively.
supported main points
You use specific examples well to illustrate your points, enhancing the strength of your arguments.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Preservation
  • Restoration
  • Demolition
  • Architectural heritage
  • Cultural significance
  • Tourist attraction
  • Urban landscape
  • Sustainability
  • Conservation
  • Economic benefits
  • Historical landmarks
  • Urban renewal
  • Infrastructure
  • Maintenance costs
  • Modern amenities
  • Building regulations
  • Community identity
  • Heritage conservation
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