Electronic devices play a significant role in improving healthcare and education by providing access to valuable information, facilitating communication, and enhancing learning experiences. Do you agree or disagree?
Some people opine that modern gadgets might help users enhance education and
healthcare
. Individually, this
writer firmly believes that electronic material provides worthwhile information and improves the quality of healthcare
services. Thus
this
essay will address the reasons for my views as follows.
It should be understood that electronic devices might facilitate students' access to valuable information. To be more particular, modern devices such
as smartphones, tablets and computers provide general students with easy entry to a vast amount of info. Furthermore
, this
will empower enlistment to access educational resources and engage in interactive learning activities that deepen their knowledge of various subjects. For instance
, pupils who study in international schools have an opportunity to be exposed to the technology machinery serving their learning. Thus
, electronic gadgets may be useful in educational systems, especially to enable general recruitment to access significant reports.
It is evident that tech devices have improved medical service quality through online interaction. This
is because citizens can make an appointment with the doctor or hospital in advance about health problems to avoid waiting. Moreover
, this
facilitates patients' contact with their doctor easily to monitor their health conditions and provide advice immediately for them. Take Vietnam for an example, where the residents must wait for 2-3 hours to meet the doctor if they do not make an appointment with the hospital. Thus
, tech gadgets allow inhabitants to test their health through prior appointments without waiting at the hospital.
In conclusion, this
writer suggests that electronic machinery plays a crucial role in our daily lives including healthcare
quality and educational systems. This
will help the citizens gain valuable data and facilitate communication in the healthcare
field.Submitted by [email protected] on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a clear introduction and conclusion. However, the body paragraphs could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas. Try to use more linking phrases to improve the flow.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph fully supports a single main idea, and each point is explained thoroughly before moving to the next. Some points in your body paragraphs are a bit fragmented and could be expanded for clarity.
task achievement
Include more specific and relevant examples to support your points. This would strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
task achievement
Make sure to address the opposing viewpoint briefly for a more balanced essay. This shows the examiner that you have considered different perspectives.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and effectively summarize your viewpoint.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the prompt directly and provides a complete response.
task achievement
You maintain a consistent viewpoint throughout the essay, which makes your argument stronger.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite