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Band 4.5

Overpopulation in many major urban centers around the world is a major problem. What are the causes of this? How can this problem be solved?

#overpopulation #centers #world
It is a pressing issue that overcrowding of citizens in many urban hubs is becoming widespread all over the world. The root causes for
this
phenomenom
Correct your spelling
phenomenon
 are the disparity between living standards in
cities
 and
surburban
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suburban
areas
 with the
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
demands
 for
well- paid
Correct your spelling
well-paid
show examples
jobs
. To solve these problems, both authorities and individuals have to invest in developing resources. It is vital to understand that the gap between surroundings in urban and rural
areas
 witness an increase in overpopulation. By
this
 point, many people
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leave their former regions to move into developed
cities
 in order to seek for better foundation.
Consequently
, the amenities in larger economic hubs tend to be overloaded, leading to the primary exodus. In terms of Ho Chi Minh
city
Capitalize word
City
show examples
, the main economic hub of southern Vietnam, had the most rising
of
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apply
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fresh dwellers in 2018, stemming from
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 well infrastructure and facilities needed by
their
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 inhabitants. Another reason for the excessive population in
cities
 is the escalating
demands
 for
well-erned
Correct your spelling
well-earned
 occupations.
This
 is
due to
 the fact that many international and national
centers
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centres
show examples
 of the economic fields
situated
Add a missing verb
are situated
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 in central
areas
.
As a result
, many people who have
demands
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 well-qualified
jobs
 flow into these economic
cities
, creating a pedal in pushing up
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
urban overpopulation.
Taking
Wrong verb form
Take
show examples
 Hanoi as a prime example, which attracts lots of foreign organizations to locate their
accesible
Correct your spelling
accessible
 centres
in
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apply
show examples
, resulting
Change preposition
in the
show examples
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 large
quantity
Change the quantifier
number
show examples
 of job seekers in the capital of Vietnam. To tackle
this
 exodus, governments and individuals should innovate
circumstances
Correct article usage
the circumstances
show examples
 of rural
areas
in
Change preposition
for
show examples
 the purpose of of balancing the population rate. If
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
given a huge investment in those
areas
, it would create opportunities for not only constructing better workplaces but
also
 upgrading local surroundings, including more well-paid
jobs
.
As a result
,
due to
 these renovations, the rural inhabitants would not spread into larger economic hubs. In a word, the gap between metropolitan
areas
as well as
raral
Correct your spelling
rural
areas
 in surroundings and the
ever growing
Add a hyphen
ever-growing
show examples
demands
 for
well qualified
Add a hyphen
well-qualified
show examples
jobs
 are factors
lead
Correct pronoun usage
that lead
show examples
 to overpopulation in urban
areas
.
However
, the innovation carried out by both governments and residents can well tackle
this
 exodus
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

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task achievement
The introduction effectively presents the problem and suggests the general direction of the essay, but it could be more concise and clearer. Try to avoid redundancies and ensure that the thesis statement is clear.
task achievement
Some points in the essay lack clear development. For example, the discussion of how improving rural areas could reduce urban overpopulation could be expanded and more specific strategies could be mentioned.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph contains a single main idea that is well-supported with details and examples. There are instances where the essay shifts focus, making it less coherent.
coherence cohesion
The essay structure is generally good, but ensure smoother transitions between paragraphs to enhance cohesion. Use transition words and phrases effectively to guide the reader through your argument.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task effectively, discussing both causes and solutions to the problem of overpopulation in urban centers.
task achievement
Relevant examples are provided to support the main points, such as the mention of Ho Chi Minh City and Hanoi. These examples add depth to the discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. This helps in organizing the ideas and making the essay easier to follow.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Migration
  • Sustainable development
  • Infrastructure
  • Population density
  • Urban sprawl
  • Urban planning
  • Renewable energy
  • Family planning
  • Rural economies
  • Public transport
  • Living standards
  • Healthcare access
  • Educational facilities
  • Employment opportunities
  • Regulations
What to do next:
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