IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people think that to learn a second language well, it is necessary to live in the country where that language is spoken. What is your opinion about this?

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Nowadays, learning a new
language
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 is a valuable way to communicate with
people
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 around the world. It is believed that it is obligatory to live in a nation with the target
language
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 in order to learn it effectively. I partly agree with
this
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 statement.
To begin
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 with, we need to socialize with
people
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 from other countries and expand our communications for numerous reasons,
such
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 as the exchange of information, science, and industry.
Therefore
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, for these purposes, it is irrefutable that learning other languages is the key factor influencing our communications with individuals who live in other countries. Recently, the Internet has made outstanding contributions to educational purposes.
In addition
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, the number of
people
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 who have access to the Internet has considerably increased, allowing them to obtain any information they need. There is a wide range of books and educational movies on the Internet for learning
language
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.
Moreover
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, there are so many
people
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 who teach a foreign
language
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, so you can participate in
language
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 institutions or get a tutor for
this
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 purpose.
Nevertheless
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, being in a society where the desired
language
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 is spoken is a better way to learn.
For example
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, When you are in Britain, you are exposed to English all the time.
Furthermore
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, you have to speak English to cope with other
people
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,
as a result
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, you study hard and try to learn it as soon as possible in order to avoid encountering the
language
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 barrier. It means that the time that should be spent on learning can be reduced.
To conclude
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,
although
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 there is of a variety books, educational videos, and good teachers, being in a community can lead to learning their
language
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 better. If we are in another country, we will learn that
language
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 sooner, and I agree with
this
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 statement to some extent.

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coherence cohesion
Overall, you have constructed a well-structured essay with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion. However, occasionally, sentences could be more concise for clarity. For example, 'There is a wide range of books and educational movies on the Internet for learning language.' could be rephrased to 'A wide range of books and educational movies on the Internet facilitate language learning.'
task achievement
Your essay provides a mostly complete response to the task, discussing the advantages of both self-study and immersion. Nonetheless, consider elaborating more on your explanation of how internet resources contribute to language learning.
task achievement
Introduce additional relevant examples to better illustrate your points. For instance, while you briefly mention the internet as a tool for learning, you could specifically refer to online language exchange programs or platforms like Duolingo to support your argument.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction sets a clear context for the essay and presents your stance effectively.
coherence cohesion
You provide a balanced view by discussing both perspectives on learning a second language.
task achievement
The essay addresses the main task requirements, offering a fairly comprehensive response.
task achievement
Your discussion includes relevant reasons and examples, which are essential for a high score.
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