Some people think that qualities a person needs to become successful in today's world cannot be learned at universities or similar academic institutions. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
In
this
day and age, many Linking Words
people
believe that Use synonyms
people
's worth has changed a lot, from the traditional Use synonyms
value
to the socio-economic condition. The essay extremely agrees with Use synonyms
this
notion Linking Words
due to
modernization Linking Words
along with
the mass communication influence and negative effect on human awareness.
One of the primary reasons is nowadays Linking Words
while
the world's industrialization develops day by day, Linking Words
people
usually use material Use synonyms
value
to subjectively assess others. To explain it Use synonyms
further
, even though some Linking Words
people
still live with the truth Use synonyms
value
, many others not only want to catch and show off their success and social position, but they Use synonyms
also
use their aspects to judge Linking Words
people
. Use synonyms
As a result
, more and more Linking Words
people
depend on these factors to prize each other. Use synonyms
For instance
, many celebrities nowadays just focus on their appearance and fame in order to not sink into showbiz Linking Words
instead
of developing and nourishing the soul
Linking Words
Furthermore
, since living in the technological era, Linking Words
people
are influenced by social media's aspects Use synonyms
such
as wealth or fame is the most important. Linking Words
In other words
, mass communications often draw a perfect life as if humans live successfully and have a high position in wealthy conditions, which means they will catch the meaning of life, will live happily, and gain respect. From that, being stressed about vanity, Linking Words
people
think if they want to have respect and recognition from society, they have to gain all of these.
In conclusion, because of the bad effects of social status and material possessions which caused to chasing of vanity and the influence of social media, Use synonyms
people
have to balance their worth between morality and material Use synonyms
value
.Use synonyms
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task achievement
Your introduction could be more explicit in addressing the precise topic of whether qualities for success in today's world can or cannot be learned at universities. Being clearer about the essay's main point will help set the stage more effectively.
task achievement
Strengthen the support for your main points by providing more specific examples and explanations. For instance, when discussing the influence of social media, you could mention how particular trends or influencers set unrealistic standards.
coherence cohesion
Work on grammatical accuracy and sentence structure to ensure clarity. Some sentences are convoluted and could be broken down or rephrased for better understanding.
task achievement
Your essay provides a comprehensive response to the question, touching on significant factors like materialism and the influence of social media.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear attempt to structure your essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have effectively highlighted modern challenges, such as chasing vanity and how people assess worth based on material possessions, wrapping them into your argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?