IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

There is no doubt that globalisation has benefited the world by bringing together people, business and nations. People who criticise it stand in the way of progress. To what extent do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge and experience.

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The borderless world has emerged because of
globalization
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. It constantly sets aside the restriction of many aspects, connects people all around the world, and makes international trade possible. Some believe that
globalization
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 is beneficial for each country and those who criticize it prevent it from developing. I disagree with that notion because critics are needed in terms of improvement and will not directly have negative influences on its progress.
Firstly
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, if someone criticizes
globalization
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, it means she knows which part of it that needs to be reformed.
For example
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, the rapid growth of
globalization
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 makes information widely accessible to everyone, including kids.
Thus
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, sometimes there is no internet restriction for them so
that
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apply
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they can surf
through
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apply
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the internet freely.
As a result
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, they might access some content
that is
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 not appropriate for their ages. If there is no one who speaks up about
this
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 problem, parents might be unaware of their kids' situation and will not provide strict supervision.
Furthermore
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, I believe that there are only a few people who criticize
globalization
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. Of course,
this
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 will not have a significant impact on its progress.
For instance
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, communities who disregard
globalization
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 do not have intentions to offend certain institutions,
such
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 as multinational companies which usually believe to threaten the existence of local businesses.
Instead
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 of doing so, they choose to offer win-win solutions for both sides. So, they actually support
globalization
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 in their own ways. In conclusion, people who criticize
globalization
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 do not always have negative thoughts. Meanwhile, they provide some insights that should be considered in order to improve the quality of
globalization
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.

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task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the question and addresses both benefits of globalization and the importance of criticism. However, ensure that every idea is fully developed and supported with specific examples.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is well-structured with a logical progression of ideas. However, make sure your paragraphs are smoothly connected. Transitional phrases and better linking words between sentences can improve the flow.
logical structure
Ensure that every paragraph starts with a clear topic sentence that encapsulates the main idea of the paragraph. This will enhance clarity and coherence.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction is clear, concise, and effectively sets the stage for the arguments that follow. You clearly articulate your stance on the topic, which gives the reader a good understanding of your viewpoint from the outset.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay and reiterates your stance, providing a strong ending to your response.
relevant specific examples
You provide relevant examples that enhance your arguments, making them more persuasive.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • international trade
  • cultural homogenization
  • multinational corporations
  • sustainable development
  • economic disparities
  • technological advancement
  • cultural exchange
  • scrutinize
  • ethics
  • innovation
  • connectivity
  • protectionism
  • outsourcing
  • free market
  • trade liberalization
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