Some people think that Olympic games are exciting event that brings other nations together. Others say Olympics expensive waste of money that would be better spent on other things. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

It is believed by a figure
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
that organizing universal sporting
events
such
as The Olympic sports is an exhilarating activity and
also
leads to cooperation and peace among
countries
.
While
there are others who opine that The Olympic sport is a wasteful activity.
This
essay will discuss both views and support the argument that
such
global
games
must be planned
due to
the fact of their beneficial impact, followed by a reasoned conclusion.
It is clear that
international
games
help to attract a number of states which result in significant improvements in the relationships of
countries
. It has had a great reputation among all
countries
long time.
For example
, the Greeks and other
countries
in 800
B.
Correct your spelling
C.
show examples
C. didn't fight each other during The Olympic sport and they cooperated and organized it together.
Moreover
, another benefit of holding intercontinental
games
is that several foreign tourists come to see and support their team which results in a foreign currency inflow
This
is to say, when
such
multi-national
games
are organized by the host
country
invites a number of foreign tourists from all over the world which in turn brings in foreign currency that helps to boost the economy of the
country
.
However
, certain people believe that the organization of multi-national
events
leads to the wastage of the financial resources of the
country
.
In other words
, a nation ought to spend huge sums of funds on the construction and development of infrastructures for these
events
.
That is
money allocated to constructing roads, hotels for foreign tourists, construction of the stadium and
consequently
on. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by the government found that more than millions of funds are wasted in organizing global holidays.
As a consequence
, it puts the company under financial burden and distress
consequently
it seems to be better for spending on other things
such
as improving poverty, education and environmental issues.
To conclude
,
while
a number of people believe that universal
events
are beneficial, others opine that it is a waste of money.
However
, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that the organization of multi-national
events
helps in the development of relationships between
countries
and the finances of a
country
by bringing in more different funds.
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task achievement
The response covers both points of view and provides a personal stance, but there are areas for improvement. Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with specific examples and detailed explanation.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to illustrate your points, which can make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear structure, some areas can be refined for better clarity and flow. Make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly and logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly sets up the argument, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of both perspectives of the topic and adequately addresses them.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively reaffirmed the writer's opinion and summarized the argument.

Your opinion

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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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