IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that Olympic games are exciting event that brings other nations together. Others say Olympics expensive waste of money that would be better spent on other things. Discuss both these points of view and give your own opinion.

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It is believed by a figure
of
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apply
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that organizing universal sporting
events
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such
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 as The Olympic sports is an exhilarating activity and
also
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 leads to cooperation and peace among
countries
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.
While
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 there are others who opine that The Olympic sport is a wasteful activity.
This
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 essay will discuss both views and support the argument that
such
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 global
games
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 must be planned
due to
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 the fact of their beneficial impact, followed by a reasoned conclusion.
It is clear that
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 international
games
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 help to attract a number of states which result in significant improvements in the relationships of
countries
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. It has had a great reputation among all
countries
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 long time.
For example
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, the Greeks and other
countries
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 in 800
B.
Correct your spelling
C.
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 C. didn't fight each other during The Olympic sport and they cooperated and organized it together.
Moreover
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, another benefit of holding intercontinental
games
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 is that several foreign tourists come to see and support their team which results in a foreign currency inflow
This
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 is to say, when
such
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 multi-national
games
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 are organized by the host
country
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 invites a number of foreign tourists from all over the world which in turn brings in foreign currency that helps to boost the economy of the
country
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.
However
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, certain people believe that the organization of multi-national
events
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 leads to the wastage of the financial resources of the
country
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.
In other words
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, a nation ought to spend huge sums of funds on the construction and development of infrastructures for these
events
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.
That is
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 money allocated to constructing roads, hotels for foreign tourists, construction of the stadium and
consequently
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 on. To elucidate, a recent study conducted by the government found that more than millions of funds are wasted in organizing global holidays.
As a consequence
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, it puts the company under financial burden and distress
consequently
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 it seems to be better for spending on other things
such
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 as improving poverty, education and environmental issues.
To conclude
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,
while
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 a number of people believe that universal
events
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 are beneficial, others opine that it is a waste of money.
However
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, In my opinion, I vehemently agree that the organization of multi-national
events
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 helps in the development of relationships between
countries
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 and the finances of a
country
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 by bringing in more different funds.

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task achievement
The response covers both points of view and provides a personal stance, but there are areas for improvement. Ensure that each main point is clearly supported with specific examples and detailed explanation.
task achievement
Try to provide more detailed and varied examples to illustrate your points, which can make your argument stronger and more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
While the essay has a clear structure, some areas can be refined for better clarity and flow. Make sure every paragraph transitions smoothly and logically from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
Ensure the introduction clearly sets up the argument, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes the main points.
task achievement
The essay demonstrates a good understanding of both perspectives of the topic and adequately addresses them.
coherence cohesion
The conclusion effectively reaffirmed the writer's opinion and summarized the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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