IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Presently, the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who live longer than past is increasing. some
people
Use synonyms
 believe that it is an issue for the
government
Use synonyms
,
while
Linking Words
 others say that elderly humans are more beneficial for society. In my opinion, the advantages are extremely more, and
this
Linking Words
 essay will argue that these
people
Use synonyms
 can increase the tax for younger
people
Use synonyms
 and could enhance emigration through a country. it is argued that, when
people
Use synonyms
 live for a long time, they cannot work as much as past. In order that, they have to be retired because they cannot work anymore.
these retired person
Change the determiner
this retired person
these retired people
show examples
 should be given a salary from the
government
Use synonyms
, and
for solving
Change preposition
to solve
show examples
 these problems, the
government
Use synonyms
 should give more
tax
Fix the agreement mistake
taxes
show examples
 to younger
people
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, it could suffer the younger folk.
Additionally
Linking Words
, in any huge country, we have some problems finding houses, and one of the most important issues is population. If the population increased regularly, it would be more difficult to find a home. when folk are not able to find a home easily, they tend to go abroad.
consequently
Linking Words
, the younger employees are reduced in society, and it can be a bigger trouble for the
government
Use synonyms
.
for example
Linking Words
, in Germany, many residents are old, and younger
people
Use synonyms
 do not tend to have babies, and the
reason
Use synonyms
 for
that is
Linking Words
 they cannot find
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 house for their family. It could be a
reason
Use synonyms
 that they want to emigrate. Despite the above
reason
Use synonyms
,
Add an article
the elder
show examples
elder
Correct your spelling
older
show examples
 crowd have more experience in life and work, and it could be beneficial for humans.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, increasing elder residents could be the biggest problem for the
government
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, the advantages of
elderly
Add an article
the elderly
show examples
 community in the country are less than the drawbacks. Not only do they increase taxes, but
also
Linking Words
 they
make
Verb problem
have
show examples
 problems finding
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 house.
As a result
Linking Words
, it could be the biggest
reason
Use synonyms
 for the emigration of younger
people
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to clearly separate the introduction from the main body of the essay. A good introduction should present the topic and state the main argument of the essay.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph presents a single main point and that this point is fully developed with examples and reasons.
task achievement
Avoid overgeneralization. Try to use a balance of statements and evidence to make your argument more convincing.
task achievement
Use more varied sentence structures and vocabulary to make your essay more engaging.
task achievement
Make sure to proofread your essay for grammar and punctuation errors. Small mistakes can distract the reader from your main arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear overall structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
task achievement
The writer presents both sides of the argument, which shows an understanding of the complexity of the issue.
task achievement
Some relevant examples are given, such as the example of Germany, which supports the argument being made.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
What to do next:
Look at other essays: