In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed their education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvangtages?
It is concerned
that
whether the adults remain living with their family after completing education education and Correct word choice
apply
having
jobs is more beneficial or not. The writer of Correct word choice
whether having
this
essay agrees that the advantages of being with family are financial stability as well as
lessen
tension outweigh the negative development of creating Wrong verb form
lessening
the
independence Correct article usage
apply
of
those young adults.
The primary merit for the young who Change preposition
for
lives
with their Correct subject-verb agreement
live
parents
is reducing the
financial concerns. To put it simply, as the economy in many countries is increasing significantly, the cost of living is Correct article usage
apply
also
affected which leads to the expensive rent in many student's
flats. Change noun form
student
Additionally
, with the
assistance from Correct article usage
apply
parents
, these young will be
much easier to save their own money and will not suffer from the financial burden.
Alleviating stress is another point worth Verb problem
find it
consideration
. Replace the word
considering
In other words
, although
these young adults have to bear the stress while
they are studying or working, their emotional bonds will support and encourage them so that these young will not only become more sustainable but also
boost their efficiency in works
. Take 20th-century genius as an example, when there is Fix the agreement mistake
work
an
failure in work, just with the encouragement from their family, they would quickly stand back on their foot.
Change the article
a
However
, many people belives
that children can be dependent on the people around them. To explain Verb problem
believe
further
, with the help from
Change preposition
of
parents
, children can be limited in the development of self-reliance so that they can lose abilities to manage their own lives. This
may be true, but parents
play a guiding role in helping their young develop essential skills before moving out so that this
become
the Change the verb form
becomes
parents
' responsibility.
In conclusion, after graduating, living with parents
will help the young a lot in their finance
and their mental health rather than pushing them into limited areas. Fix the agreement mistake
finances
Thus
, family is an important factor in creating a solid foundation among the young.Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on
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task achievement
While you have a clear stance throughout the essay, some ideas lack sufficient development and detailed examples that can strongly support your arguments. Additionally, there are several grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be refined to ensure clarity and coherence.
task achievement
Ensure you address opposing views more robustly, perhaps by dedicating a separate paragraph to counterarguments. This demonstrates a strong ability to consider multiple perspectives.
coherence cohesion
Your essay flows well, but the transitions between some points could be smoother. Try to use linking words or phrases more consistently to guide the reader more seamlessly from one idea to the next.
coherence cohesion
You have an introduction and conclusion, but work on making your conclusion more reflective of the arguments presented and less formulaic. Summarize main points more effectively to strengthen your conclusion.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion that frames the essay effectively.
task achievement
Your essay stays on topic and addresses the question directly, demonstrating a good understanding of the task.
coherence cohesion
The arguments you present are relevant and align with the key points of the essay question.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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