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Writing Samples
Band 8

In some countries, more and more adults are continuing to live with their parents even after they have completed education and found jobs. Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

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In modern society, it is argued that many young people keep staying with their
parents
Use synonyms
 after finishing their education and starting their own career path. The writer of
this
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 essay thinks that the benefits of forging a strong bond between family members and saving money outweigh the drawbacks of being over-reliant. It is vital to understand that staying in the parent's house is one way to help cement relationships between members of a family.
In other words
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, there will be more opportunities for regular face-to-face interactions and intimate conversations.
For example
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. a newly graduated student can get advice, discuss problems at work and confide in possible setbacks to their
parents
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.
This
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 kind of conversation will likely help build confidence which is widely regarded as a key to success in an increasingly competitive business world.
Moreover
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, saving money is the main factor which influences the young to be closer to their
parents
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.
For instance
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, there are lots of costs to be considered, including rent costs, and utility bills. It is apparent that it pressured them unintentionally and made them anxious about their financial situation.
In contrast
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, some believe that those who refuse to live on their own are more likely to experience a prolonged period of immaturity. To put it simply, people who remain at home are usually exempt from mundane tasks
such
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 as preparing meals and doing laundry.
As a result
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, they depend too much on their
parents
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 and could have trouble developing the capacity for self-reliance
that is
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 essential for personal and career success.
However
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, it can easily be treated by setting up a time schedule for doing chores with the primary purpose is helping the
parents
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. In conclusion,
although
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 many are prevented from leading a self-sufficient life, adults might be better supported emotionally when staying at home and saving for the financial situation.

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task achievement
Your essay addresses the task well and provides a clear position. Ensure that you fully develop each argument with more detailed examples or evidence.
coherence cohesion
Your essay is logically structured, but you can improve coherence by using more transition words and phrases to connect ideas within paragraphs.
supported main points
Ensure that each main point is thoroughly supported with examples. This can help in making your argument stronger and more convincing.
introduction conclusion present
Your introduction and conclusion are clear and well-presented, providing a concise summary of your position.
logical structure
You have successfully identified the main points of the discussion and maintained a logical flow of ideas.
relevant specific examples
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples that help to illustrate your points.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • cohabitation
  • intergenerational living
  • self-sufficiency
  • financial stability
  • maturation
  • dependency
  • socio-economic factors
  • familial dynamics
  • personal autonomy
  • housing affordability
  • cultural expectations
  • life trajectory
  • emotional resilience
  • nuclear family
  • joint family system
  • economic prudence
  • privacy concerns
  • social stigma
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