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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Nowadays children play computer games for long hours. They do not play traditional game. What do you think are the reasons for this? Do you think it influences in a good or bad way?

#children #computer #games #hours #game #influences
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In recent years, there has been a debate about the issue, when nowadays children prefer
computer
games
 over traditional ones.
This
 essay will examine both the benefits and drawbacks of
this
 increasing trend. One of the main advantages of
computer
games
 is that they allow you, to play at any time and anywhere. The only thing you need is a fully charged device, which could be your gaming console, phone,
computer
 etc. Traditional
games
 are often required to be played with someone and
this
 might be a problem
due to
 the lack of people you can play with.
However
, when it comes to
computer
games
, they can be played alone.
This
 leads to the point
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 when nowadays kids mostly start to prefer
computer
games
 because of their accessibility and simplicity. A significant disadvantage is that, nowadays videogames are not
such
 entertaining as traditional ones. Traditional
games
 give much more diverse amounts of emotions and happiness. It’s
also
 the fact, that traditional
games
 are meant to use some significant physical activity and not just touching the buttons on your device, it would be much healthier to play outside, rather than breathing the same air in your own room over and over trying to beat the main boss in
video
 game.
As a consequence
, many kids, who mostly prefer
video
games
 are sicker than those, who play traditional
games
. In my opinion, it would be a much better option for today's kids, to give traditional
games
 priority over
video
games
. As I previously noted, breathing fresh air and playing
games
 that meant using a decent amount of physical activity with your friends outside are so much better options. It reduces stress, makes you less sick and makes to use cardio.
Overall
,
while
video
games
 have some advantages,
such
 as simplicity and accessibility in general, the disadvantages should not be overlooked.
Submitted by pandatvin3 on

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task achievement
Try to include more specific examples to strengthen your points. This will add depth to your arguments and make your essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and smoothly connects to other paragraphs. This will enhance the flow of your essay.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, which provides a good framework for your arguments.
task achievement
You have addressed both the advantages and disadvantages of children playing video games compared to traditional games, showing a balanced perspective.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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