IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

Children's education is expensive. In some countries, the government pays some or all of the costs. Do the edvantages outweigh the disadvantages?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, it is very expensive to educate
children
Use synonyms
. Meanwhile, in some countries, the
government
Use synonyms
 pays part or all of the costs.
However
Linking Words
, there are obvious advantages to paying the costs,but I feel that the disadvantages are enormous. There are several advantages to paying tuition fees by the
government
Use synonyms
. First of all,
students
Use synonyms
 from all financial backgrounds may have equal access to
education
Use synonyms
. It is because the
government
Use synonyms
 pays the tuition, that scholars in some rural areas may pay a few costs to go to school.
In addition
Linking Words
, parents are relieved from the burden of paying for their
children
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, parents are not worried about tuition fees and they can concentrate on earning
money
Use synonyms
 and taking care of their
children
Use synonyms
.
However
Linking Words
, despite these benefits, I believe that there are more problems for the
government
Use synonyms
 to pay for
children
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
. To my mind, citizens have to pay more tax
money
Use synonyms
 so that the
government
Use synonyms
 would have an extra budget for
education
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
 it is good for
children
Use synonyms
, some people have low salaries and they can not pay a lot of tax
money
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
, some
students
Use synonyms
 may take
education
Use synonyms
 for granted, not something they must pay to receive, and do not try to achieve good academic results.
For example
Linking Words
, in Vietnam, the
government
Use synonyms
 pays for
children
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
 so many
students
Use synonyms
 do not appreciate their learning.
According to
Linking Words
 experts, if too many
students
Use synonyms
 go to school at the same time, the
education
Use synonyms
 system will be overloaded. In fact, the
education
Use synonyms
 system does not have enough human resources to teach
children
Use synonyms
.
Consequently
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 can be poorly educated leading to missing
children
Use synonyms
's talents. In conclusion,
children
Use synonyms
 may have equal access to
education
Use synonyms
 and parents are relieved from the burden of paying for
children
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
, but in my view, not only do citizens have to pay more tax
money
Use synonyms
 but
also
Linking Words
children
Use synonyms
 do not value learning and the
education
Use synonyms
 system will be overloaded.
Therefore
Linking Words
, on balance, the drawback of the
government
Use synonyms
 paying for
children
Use synonyms
's
education
Use synonyms
 outweighs the advantages.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
The essay addresses the prompt effectively, providing a clear opinion and discussing both advantages and disadvantages. However, some of the arguments could be developed further with more detailed examples and explanations.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well organized, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. Transitions between ideas are present but could be smoother to improve the overall flow. Consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance coherence.
task achievement
Introduce more specific examples or evidence to support your points more convincingly. This will help in making your arguments stronger and more credible.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has one clear main idea, and expand on that idea thoroughly before moving to the next point. This will improve the clarity and depth of your discussion.
task achievement
Work on varying your sentence structures and using more complex vocabulary accurately. This will enhance the sophistication of your writing and demonstrate a higher level of language proficiency.
introduction conclusion present
The essay provides a clear introduction that outlines the issue and states the writer's opinion.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the writer's opinion.
logical structure
The essay discusses both advantages and disadvantages, showing a balanced view before concluding with a clear stance.
logical structure
The use of specific phrases such as "students from all financial backgrounds" and "relieved from the burden" help to articulate the points effectively.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: