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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

Some people soy thol industrial growth is necessory to solve poverty, but some other people orgue that industrial growth is causing environmental problems and it should be stopped. Discuss both views and give your opinion

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While
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 some individuals believe that industrial development is crucial for addressing poverty, others contend that it leads to environmental issues and advocate for its cessation. both the statements will be discussed in two points namely the growth of the factory and environmental degradation.
firstly
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, the escalation of the industrial sector particularly in the soy thol product provides several advantages for society.
for instance
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, it will cut off unemployment
due to
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 the increasing of job fields in which the firm requires more workers.
Furthermore
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, big opportunities to get a job will make the problem of poverty within the community immediately decrease in line with economic growth.
thus
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, the government should be paying attention to considering the balancing of benefits in the industry sector.
on the other hand
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, the industrial sector has an impact on environmental degradation and health problems for people who live around it.
for example
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, the amount of CO2 released into the atmosphere as an emission of the factory might threaten the safety of many people.
Moreover
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, pollution is dangerous for health if it is inhaled in large quantities, it will cause complications in the respiratory system.
therefore
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, monitoring in industries should be stricter in order to minimize the impact on the human body. in conclusion, The industrial field offers societal benefits
such
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 as job creation and poverty reduction, but its environmental impact poses risks like pollution and well-being hazards. Effective government oversight is necessary to balance these benefits and mitigate negative consequences, ensuring sustainable industrial development and safeguarding the public and the environment.

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Introduction
Try to use a clearer introduction that directly addresses the topic and lays out the structure of your argument.
Supporting Examples
Include more specific examples to support your arguments; real-world cases or data can make your points more compelling.
Grammar
Be mindful of spelling and grammatical errors (e.g., 'soy thol' should be corrected, and watch for missing articles like 'the'), as they can hinder clarity.
Sentence Structure
Consider varying your sentence structures more to enhance the readability and sophistication of your writing.
Opinion Clarity
Ensure that both views and your opinion are clearly stated; your conclusion does a good job of summarizing, but make your stance more explicit early on.
Balanced Discussion
Your essay discusses both sides of the argument, which is essential for this kind of task.
Conclusion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the discussion and reaffirms your stance, demonstrating good essay structure.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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