Many believe that the goal of one’s career should be to pursue a passion while others feel it is merely a way to earn a livelihood. Discuss both sides and give your own opinion.
Undoubtedly, an individual’s
career
is a substantially significant topic that has triggered an untold amount of debate among various folks. Indeed, it is highly argued by some sections of society that one’s career
intention should be to pursue a passion, while
others assert that it should focus on earning a livelihood. Despite the fact that the arguments on both sides are valid, I vehemently support the former group.
To commence with, enormous importance has been laid on choosing an occupation based on personal desire. First and foremost, a staggering ratio of individuals dedicate virtually 1/3 of their daily hours to work, consequently
doing a preferable job increases productivity as well as
proficiency rate. For instance
, a production line employee who is passionate about creating products builds remarkably accurate goods compared to an employee who does not find product-making enthusiastic. Secondly
, pursuing a fascinating career
would further
encourage walks of life to become the best version of themselves in their field of work. For example
, this
resulted in my country, where a female hairdresser who came from a family of doctors who followed his passion not only is now one of the top ten hair stylists in the country but also
earns a significantly greater amount of income compared to other hairdressers. In other words
, putting personal interests in following a career
pathway would be dramatically beneficial for the community.
There is also
the flipside, where it is argued that citizens should concentrate on earning a livelihood in deciding their proficiency. One of the fundamental causes that make residents work is to become financially independent and stabilized, nonetheless
, following a career
that offers a higher salary provides more opportunities to increase the welfare and social status.
To conclude
, given the scenario above, everything can be recapitulated into the fact that, although
people may vary in their point of view regarding choosing their occupation based on personal preferences or revenue, I wholeheartedly find the former group more sensible.Submitted by maryam.niknamm on
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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that your essay has a clear and logical structure throughout. Though you attempted to organize your thoughts, consider using clearer paragraphing and distinct topic sentences that lead naturally to the supporting statements. Focus on the natural flow of ideas.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are present and functional, but the introduction can be more engaging by directly addressing the question and the conclusion could restate your main points more powerfully to reinforce your argument.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your main points are supported, yet the elaboration on these points sometimes feels repetitive. Aim for a more diversified expression of your supporting arguments that delve deeper into the issue, instead of restating the main point. Level-up the persuasive quality of your essay by expanding on the reasoning behind each point.
Task Achievement
Your essay provides a complete response to the prompt, which demonstrates an understanding of the task. However, for a higher band score, try expanding on the implications of each perspective you present, as well as your own, to offer a more comprehensive discussion of the topic.
Task Achievement
You presented clear ideas, but they could be more comprehensive. Strive to widen the scope of your discussion by considering broader socio-economic factors and potential future implications of following passion versus earning a livelihood in one's career choices.
Task Achievement
Using specific examples is good, but they seem personal and somewhat limited in scope. Introduce examples that are more universally recognizable, or cite studies or broad experiences that directly correlate with your points and strengthen your argument to boost your score.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.