IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

You are soon going to spend three months doing work experience in an organisation. Write a letter to the manager of the organisation where you are going to do work experience. In your letter • thank the manager for the opportunity to do work experience • explain what you hope to learn from the work experience • ask some questions about the work experience you are going to do

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This
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 letter is written
to
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respectfully to show my sincere appreciation for the allowance of my contribution to your latest work experience program in one of the
Fashionesta
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Fashionista
 boutiques. As I mentioned earlier in the interview, my leave duration from the art company I am currently working
will
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for will
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 be a total of three months and I thank
that
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you promised your training sessions will end in three months with no delay.
Besides
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 the experience I am eager to get in one of your branches of fashion studios, I hope to learn about
the
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artificial intelligence-based clothes design from one of
senior
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my senior
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co-worker
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co-workers
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 in the planned period.
Additionally
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, I prefer to work in the fitting check of the shop to learn how to choose a suitable design for each customer and increase
overall
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 customer service quality.
Moreover
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, considering that
this
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 is a payless job, I would like to know if there will be any additional expenses like a compulsory business trip. Please inform me whether they will be covered by the company or do I need to get prepared and pay from my savings. Looking forward to hearing from you, Best regards, Narges

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Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction could be clearer regarding the purpose of the letter. Consider stating your gratitude in a more direct manner at the beginning.
Task Achievement
When mentioning what you hope to learn, ensure to connect your learning goals more directly to the organization’s expertise.
Coherence and Cohesion
Make sure to clearly separate different topics into distinct paragraphs, which will enhance readability.
Task Achievement
The tone is polite and respectful, which is excellent for a formal letter.
Task Achievement
Your specific interests in the fashion industry are well stated and demonstrate enthusiasm.

The Greeting

Depending on the style and aim of the letter, you will need to adapt your greeting.

Always start an informal letter in the ways:

  • Dear + name
  • Hi / Hello + name

‘Dear...’ is more appropriate, so stick with this.

For a formal letter there are two options for the greeting:

  • Use Dear Sir or Madam if you don’t know the name of the person you are writing to.
  • Use Dear + surname if you do know their name, e.g. Dear Mr Smith or Dear Mrs Jones.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • appreciative
  • hands-on experience
  • skill enhancement
  • networking opportunities
  • mentorship
  • organisational structure
  • company ethos
  • onboarding process
  • professional development
  • collaborative environment
  • shadowing
  • logistics
  • corporate attire
  • reporting hierarchy
  • team dynamics
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