IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 7.5

In many cities an increaing number of people do not knowtheir neighbours and there is a lack of sense of community. What are the causes of this problem? How can it be solved?

#cities #people #knowtheir #neighbours #lack #sense #community
While
 one of the basic needs of human beings is social activity, by increasing the population,
neighbours
 have become more strange to each other, especially in big cities.
This
 essay discusses the causes of
this
 problem and suggests some solutions. Growing cities and increasing population decrease communication among
neighbours
. They not only do not know each other but
also
 they do not help others, even in emergency situations.
For instance
, I saw a documentary
last
 month. It was about an old woman who died in her house and nobody found out in the neighbourhood. When her daughter wanted to visit her, she found her body. The doctor said she died 20 days ago. It was a sad story and obviously, if the old woman had a friend in the neighbourhood, she might be alive now.
Although
people
 nowadays are busy with their lives, they should pay more attention to their
neighbours
, especially the elderly and pregnant women. There are so many vulnerable
people
 who live around us. It is really important to know them and help them in the emergency situations. Young
people
 should take steps and start a relationship by saying a simple hello or having a small conversation. They could bring some food for a pregnant woman and make her happier.
Also
, they could help the elderly with their housework.
Although
 it is a big help for the
neighbours
, it makes them feel more alive. In conclusion,
Although
 with increasing the population,
neighbours
 do not know each other, it is essential that young
people
 take steps and communicate with others, especially
people
 who are more vulnerable.
Submitted by rozakoohvand on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen the coherence of your essay, consider using more linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
To achieve a higher task response, make sure to explore the causes of the problem in more detail and depth.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction clearly presents the topic and outlines the essay's structure, contributing to a strong start.
Task Achievement
The essay successfully addresses both the causes and potential solutions, fulfilling the task requirements.
Task Achievement
Your use of a real-life example significantly strengthens the task achievement by illustrating the consequences of the problem.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Rapid urbanization
  • Densely populated
  • Personal connections
  • Digital communication
  • Face-to-face conversations
  • Fast-paced lifestyle
  • Community engagement
  • Transient nature
  • Urban designs
  • Community gardens
  • Recreational facilities
  • Community events
  • Neighborhood associations
  • Social gatherings
  • Local networking
  • Civic activities
  • Sense of community
  • Fostering
  • Mutual understanding
  • Sense of belonging
  • Sense of responsibility
What to do next:
Look at other essays: