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Writing Samples
Band 5

some people think that we should invent a new languge for international communication . Will the benefits of this outweigh th problems associated with it

#people #languge #communication #outweigh
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These days a new
language
 is drawing a lot of attention from
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 . In some cases , the majority of
people
 believe that a new
language
 for
people
over
Rephrase
all over
show examples
 the world should be created . I really trust that the advantages overshadow the disadvantages and the reasons will be explained now .
To begin
 with , the most advantageous factor of new inventions is that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 can bridge the gap between nations . If it does not have
communication
Correct article usage
a communication
show examples
 barrier , some international problems will be easier to deal with
sush
Correct your spelling
such
 as
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
show examples
 ,economic wars ,...
As a result
 , the development can reduce negative
affects
Correct your spelling
effects
show examples
 for every country even small nations. Another point to consider is that students who want to go abroad to study , will not waste time ,money ,... to learn new languages.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, the overpopulation can be solved
due to
 flexible movement.
For instance
 ,
people
 from some crowded nations as China ,
India
Correct word choice
and India
show examples
 ,... can go to others which have few residents to live or study. The main drawbacks associated with the ability of
people
 . For
exampl
Correct your spelling
example
, some
people
 like elders who are too old to learn a new
language
or
Correct word choice
apply
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homeless
people
 ,
orphans
Correct word choice
and orphans
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don't
Correct pronoun usage
who don't
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 have enough money
to go
Verb problem
apply
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to study .
As a result
, they cannot catch up with other
people
. In conclusion ,after carefully considering many aspects of the given issue
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the topic
that
Add a missing verb
is that
show examples
 we should invent a new
language
 for global communication .I still believe that the benefits are more significant
the
Change preposition
than the
show examples
 drawbacks
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task achievement
Ensure that your essay fully addresses all aspects of the task prompt. While you have discussed the benefits and some drawbacks, there is a need for a more balanced discussion of both sides to achieve a higher score.
coherence cohesion
Work on your logical structure for improved readability. Try to organize your ideas more clearly and logically, leading from one point to the next in a more coherent manner.
language use
Use a wider range of vocabulary and grammatical structures to make your essay more engaging and to demonstrate your language proficiency better.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps structure your argument well.
task achievement
You have provided relevant examples to support your points, which adds depth to your discussion.
task achievement
The overall idea behind your essay is clear and demonstrates a thoughtful approach to the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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