IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In many countries, paying for things using mobile phone (cellphone) apps is becoming increasingly common. Does this development have more advantages or more disadvantages?

#countries #phone #cellphone #apps #development
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In
this
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 contemporary era, an increasing number of citizens globally, are adopting the usage of digital
payments
Use synonyms
 via
smartphones
Change the noun form
smartphone
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 applications as the primary mode of transaction. I strongly believe that
this
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 trend has multiple benefits and more about
this
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 will be discussed in
this
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 essay. To commence, digital mode of
payments
Use synonyms
 done by various mobile apps like
paytm
Change the capitalization
Paytm
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 and
gpay
Change the capitalization
Gpay
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,
Remove the comma
apply
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 provides safety and security to their customers. Individuals do not have to carry large amounts of cash for paying bills and
hence
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, their chances of getting robbed on the streets are quite minimal.
For example
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, a recent article in The Sunday Times reported that the incidence of
pick pocketing
Correct your spelling
pickpocketing
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 has drastically reduced in the
last
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 decade after
adoption
Add an article
the adoption
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 of online
payments
Use synonyms
 by cellular phones.
Furthermore
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, these newer
generation
Fix the agreement mistake
generations
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 of
remittance
Fix the agreement mistake
remittances
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 are very convenient and hassle-free. Money can be sent and received just by clicking a few buttons on one’s mobile device at any time and anywhere.
Therefore
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, they reduce the inconvenience of visiting different places for payment in person,
hence
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, decreasing the transportation cost as well.
Additionally
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, monetary transactions done via
smartphones
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphone
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 applications are environment friendly. All they require is a
little
Correct word choice
small
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 amount of power supply and an internet connection.
On the other hand
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, paper bills require large
amount
Fix the agreement mistake
amounts
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 of fibre from trees, which has detrimental effects on
mother nature
Correct your spelling
Mother Nature
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.
For instance
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, an article in
New
Correct article usage
the New
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 York Times stated that
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of paper has led to deforestation on a large scale which in turn has led to global warming.
Moreover
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, digital
payments
Use synonyms
 done through mobile device software, provide the facility of transaction history.
This
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 facility can be valuable at times of dispute among individuals as these transactions can be used as
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
proof.
Also
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, transaction history helps one keep
check
Add an article
a check
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 on their spending and helps one save their hard-earned money. In conclusion,
usage
Correct article usage
the usage
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 of various apps installed
in
Change preposition
on
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 one’s smartphone for paying and receiving money has numerous benefits and I believe in future
this
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 trend will gain a lot more momentum throughout the world.
Submitted by niravfb1987 on

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task achievement
While the essay effectively presents a positive standpoint on the trend of mobile payments, acknowledging potential disadvantages could provide a more balanced viewpoint and strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Review the use of articles ('a', 'an', 'the') and prepositions for a smoother flow.
general
Ensure to diversify the vocabulary and avoid repetition for higher lexical resource scores.
task achievement
The essay provides specific examples such as references to articles which strengthens the argument.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant, summarizing the main points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure, with each paragraph transitioning smoothly to the next.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • convenience
  • safety
  • security
  • time-saving
  • cashless transactions
  • dependence on technology
  • privacy concerns
  • accessibility issues
  • financial vulnerability
What to do next:
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