IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Agree or disagree.

#life #work #time #people
Whether
people
 always prefer living without working
instead
 of going to work most time if possible is a controversial topic.
This
 writer disagrees with the statement
due to
 fulfilment and survival. It is vital to understand that working can make
people
 happy. Because of the fact that working helps individuals to have an environment where they can connect with other colleagues.
This
 situation strengthens
relationship
Fix the agreement mistake
relationships
show examples
 and
friendship
Fix the agreement mistake
friendships
show examples
 between everyone
due to
 having enjoyable moments with each other.
As a result
,
people
 may know how to gain happiness and appreciate their parents’ efforts.
Additionally
, occupation
also
 prevents
people
 not getting bored and
improve
Correct subject-verb agreement
improves
show examples
 their personal skills.
According to
 a survey in Australia, many citizens felt satisfied with their jobs because they had a chance to expand their social circle
as well as
learning
Wrong verb form
learn
show examples
 new abilities. Another factor
that is
also
 crucial is to live comfortably.
In other words
, to survive in
this
 world, all residents have to work, not only the poor but
also
 the wealthy.
People
 try to complete their tasks so hard so that they can get promoted and have a higher salary.
This
 supports them to buy
necessity
Fix the agreement mistake
necessities
show examples
,
such
 as food and medicine. If humans did not have those things, they could not survive.
Additionally
, society was not able to exist and develop unless citizens were working. Take Japan as an example,
this
 nation is developed and rich
due to
 employees working so hard. In brief,
people
 will choose to stay
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 their position rather than
living
Wrong verb form
live
show examples
 with no work if they are asked.
Hence
, governments should implement strategies to decrease the unemployment rate and create more jobs for
people
 to do.

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task achievement
Ensure that your introduction clearly presents the topic and offers a precise thesis statement. This will help in setting up a clear focus for the essay.
task achievement
Be careful with certain phrases like "to survive in this world, all residents have to work"; while the intention is clear, a less absolute phrasing might be more accurate.
coherence cohesion
Add more varied transitional phrases to connect ideas more fluidly between paragraphs. This will improve the overall flow and make the essay more cohesive.
coherence cohesion
Continue to develop ideas fully and provide specific, relevant examples to support your points. For instance, a more detailed explanation of how working contributes to personal satisfaction beyond just social connections can strengthen your argument.
task achievement
The essay presents clear and comprehensive ideas related to the topic, addressing both aspects—fulfillment and survival, for the argument against the initial statement.
task achievement
Effective use of examples (like the survey in Australia and the example of Japan) helps in substantiating points and makes the essay more convincing.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with a proper introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, making it easy to follow the writer's line of reasoning.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
What to do next:
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