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Writing Samples
Band 6

Art and music classes should not be mandatory at school. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

#art #music #classes #school
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It is a common belief that
art
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 and
music
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 courses should not be compulsory at a school.
However
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, I disagree with the idea for
the
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apply
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several reasons because I think
art
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 and
music
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 can foster children’s
creativity
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 and teach
the
Correct your spelling
them
show examples
 skills how to collaborate with their classmates.
To begin
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 with, it is well known that many extracurricular activities
such
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 as drawing and playing an instrument help develop one's
creativity
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.
Art
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 and
music
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 can stimulate many different parts of the brain and let the pupils express their feelings in their own ways. Learning how to colour flowers with several different colouring tools,
for instance
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, can teach them how to illustrate different textures and let them utilize the skills when they're working as a designer in the future job.
This
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 can be
the
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an
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 example of
creativity
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 which can apply to
the
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apply
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real life.
Also
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,
art
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 and
music
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 can teach the students how to collaborate with their classmates. Sharing their experiences of the same work will
also
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 help them understand each other more thoroughly.
For example
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, when students take part
of
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in
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 an orchestra as a player, they have to practice together for an upcoming concert. By practising together and sharing notes, they can learn how to accommodate
while
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 they are learning not only focusing on their own but
also
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 compromising with other instruments as well. In conclusion,
art
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 and
music
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 courses in the school are expected to have positive impacts on pupils since
it
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they
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 can raise their
creativity
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 and teach them to be more cooperative. For those reasons, I insist we should keep
art
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 and
music
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 classes mandatory.
Submitted by JE on

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coherence cohesion
To improve the coherence and cohesion, you might consider using more clearly defined paragraphs and topic sentences. This will help guide the reader through your argument more effectively.
task achievement
Your essay meets the task requirements well and covers both aspects: creativity and collaboration. However, including more specific examples or evidence could strengthen your argument further.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are clear and concise, providing a good summary of your argument.
task achievement
Your essay addresses the task effectively, discussing the benefits of art and music education in schools.
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