IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7.5

When asked to choose between a life without work and working most of the time, people would always choose not to work. Agree or disagree?

#life #work #time #people
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The debate among the
people
 who have been responding positively to the question of whether they want to live a workless
life
.
This
 writer agrees that most
people
 would prefer not to work for their lives
due to
 the immense pressure, mind-numbing work, and tight schedule. As a matter of fact, some
people
 experience unbearable stress when staying at their workplace.
This
 could be a possible result of dealing with heavy workloads with the system of the league table. Eventually,
this
 will result in possible mental issues when
workers
 are strained.
Therefore
, it could likely be a significant factor in
this
 phenomenon
due to
 psychological problems. Another point that should be considered is monotonous tasks. Some
people
, despite their daily repetitive workload, gradually give up to find occupations that reward more stimulation. An example of
this
 is Vietnam, where 45% of office
workers
 have resigned from their former jobs to devote themselves to art-related careers,
according to
 VnExpress in 2022.
Thus
,
people
 suffer from boredom
due to
 the perpetual workload. One final point that needs to be addressed is the amount of time they spend. It is vital to know that
workers
 tend to be distressed
due to
 a lack of time.
This
 is likely to be the consequence of employers giving out unsuitable and fixed schedules. Thereby, making time restraints the final countdown to work-avoiding
life
. Taking all points into account,
people
 prefer having a
life
 without work because of unaccountable stress, uninteresting tasks, and less deserving recess for
workers
.
Hence
, making an unoccupied
life
 a craving desire for
people
.
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task response
To improve task response, try to ensure that your ideas fully address all aspects of the question. Discussing both sides of the argument, even briefly, could enrich your response.
task response
Some points could be better supported with more detailed evidence or examples. Providing a greater variety of examples can help substantiate your claims.
coherence
Improve coherence by ensuring that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that logically leads from the previous paragraph.
cohesion
Linking words and phrases help to show the relationships between your ideas more clearly. Consider using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the connectivity of your essay.
coherence
The essay has a clear and logical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
support
Each of the main points is clearly stated and has some level of support, which gives a solid foundation to your argument.
coherence
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of the essay, reinforcing the writer's position.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial stability
  • personal interests
  • social isolation
  • structured daily routine
  • sense of purpose
  • achievement
  • boredom
  • overworking
  • burnout
  • hobbies
  • family time
  • work pressures
  • stress
  • health issues
  • social interactions
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