IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Topics:Crime & Punishment Some people believe that there should be a fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both of these two views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#topics #crime #punishment #people #type #circumstances #motivation #account #two
The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar charts illustrate the cost in order to travel from Sydney to
Melbourne
 and go back by air for 2 weeks in 2013.
Overall
, it can be seen that the price to get to
Melbourne
 tended to be higher than the other way around, even though the disparities were not significant.
Additionally
, ticket costs at the peak time of Friday to Monday were more than other weekdays in both weeks. Regarding the first week when the costs were more substantial, plane
tickets
 taking off from Sydney cost about 80$ on Monday which dropped by half for the next 3 days before recovering to over 70$ once again by Saturday.
Nevertheless
, the Sunday
tickets
 decreased to 50$, similar to backward
tickets
 from
Melbourne
 for the same day. As for the ticket coming from
Melbourne
, it started at roughly 60$ on Monday prior to a considerable decline of 50%,
whereas
 the rest of the week the price reached a high at more or less 80$ on Friday and began going down. Looking at the remaining week with an insignificant price, the cost for either way ranged from approximately 30$ to double that amount, excluding Sydney to
Melbourne
 Friday
tickets
 which were more than 70$.
Submitted by Nghỉ hè vui vẻ cả nhà on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
You have provided a detailed comparison of ticket prices for traveling between Sydney and Melbourne over two weeks. However, the description and comparison could be more precise by including exact figures from the charts to strengthen the analysis. Ensure consistency and clarity in presenting data.
coherence cohesion
While your essay has a clear structure with an introduction and body paragraphs, it lacks a formal conclusion. Always include a conclusion to summarize the key points for better coherence and cohesion.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity and flow, consider varying your sentence structures and employing more cohesive devices. Some sentences feel slightly repetitive and could benefit from linking phrases for smoother transitions.
task achievement
The overall trend and key details regarding price differences on different days and between the two directions are well-identified.
coherence cohesion
Your essay follows a logical structure and presents information in a comparative manner, which aligns with the prompt requirements.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • deterrent
  • legal framework
  • culpability
  • judicial process
  • efficiency
  • flexibility
  • minor infractions
  • harsh penalties
  • equality before the law
  • biases
  • subjective judgments
  • root causes
  • rehabilitation
  • recidivism
  • reintegration
  • societal safety
  • judicial discretion
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!