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Writing Samples
Band 6

More and more people are choosing to eat healthy food and exercise regularly. Why and what can we do to encourage this?

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These days, there is a tendency for
people
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 to decide to eat nutritious products and exercise regularly. From my perspective,
this
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 is a positive
trend
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 that its merits vastly surpass any potential downsides.
Therefore
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,
people
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 should be encouraged to continue
this
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trend
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Linking Words
due to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some reasons that will be mentioned in
this
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 essay. There are considerable reasons why
people
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 should eat healthy
as well as
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 go to the gym more often. The primary reason is that these actions can contribute to
people
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's better
health
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. By changing living habits, and giving up junk food,
people
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's immune systems will become stronger, which can fight against illness, sickness and even diseases.
For instance
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, cancer patients often eat a special diet, containing nutritious food with a proper amount of vitamins, sugar, and protein,
this
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 diet can help ameliorate their
health
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, helping them overcome their disease. Another positive aspect of
this
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lifestyle
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 is that
people
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's mental
health
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 can
also
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 be ameliorated. When exercising,
people
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 radiate dopamine, an energetic hormone, that fosters their positive emotions.
This
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, in turn, makes
people
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 become more optimistic, and have more motivation to promote in their lives. To maintain
this
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trend
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, there are some methodologies that should be carried out.
Firstly
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, more campaigns about
health
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 should be launched in order to raise
people
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's cognition about the importance of a healthy
lifestyle
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. These campaigns can affect directly
people
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's awareness if they are implemented in the right way.
For instance
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, inviting a nutritionist, who are professional in
this
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 field, can help attract
people
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 to join the project
as well as
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 convey essential information about
health
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 and a healthy
lifestyle
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. The next measurement is that organizations should hold more sports volunteer competitions.
This
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 can encourage
people
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 to do some work out
while
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 contributing to raise funds for meaningful purposes. In conclusion, for all the reasons that I mentioned above, I strongly believe that it is a positive
trend
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that
Correct word choice
for
show examples
people
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give
Fix the infinitive
to give
show examples
 up bad habits and try a healthy
lifestyle
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.
This
Linking Words
, in turn, not only helps them improve their physical and mental
health
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 but
also
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 motivates them to become a better version of themselves.
Along with
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 that, more methods and measurements should be implemented,
such
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 as organizing
health
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 courses,
holding
Correct word choice
and holding
show examples
 sports volunteer competitions, which play a significant role in encouraging
people
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 to maintain a healthy
lifestyle
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.

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples and elaboration in your main points to enhance clarity and depth.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure to maintain a smooth flow between sentences and paragraphs to further enhance coherence.
coherence and cohesion
Try to avoid overly complex sentences that may lead to confusion; simpler sentences can also effectively convey your ideas.
task achievement
The essay presents a clear position on the topic and effectively outlines reasons to support it.
coherence and cohesion
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces your argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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