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Band 4

When new towns are planned, it is important to build more public parks and sports facilities rather than shopping centres for people to spend their time in. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#towns #parks #sports #facilities #centres #people #time
The planning of new towns is important which sets the foundation for a community's development and the quality of life it offers to its
residents
. I agree
to
Change preposition
with
show examples
this
 statement and believe that more emphasis should be placed
upon
Change preposition
on
show examples
 constructing
pulic
Correct your spelling
public
parks
 and
sports
facilities
 rather than shopping centres.
This
 essay will expound on the reasons behind
this
 perspective. The provision of public
parks
 and
sports
facilities
 contributes significantly to the
phycial
Correct your spelling
physical
 and mental
well being
Add a hyphen
well-being
show examples
 of the
residents
. These spaces serve as venues for exercise, recreation, and social interaction.
For example
, a
well maintained
Add a hyphen
well-maintained
show examples
 park provides
and
Correct your spelling
an
show examples
 environment for people of all ages to
engate
Correct your spelling
engage
 in various
phycial
Correct your spelling
physical
 activities, from jogging and yoga to team
sports
.
Such
 activities not only promise a healthier lifestyle but
also
fosters
Correct subject-verb agreement
foster
show examples
 a sense of community and belonging among the
residents
. The public
parks
 and
sports
facilities
 play a pivotal role in enhancing
overall
Correct article usage
the overall
show examples
 aesthetics and
ambiance
Change the spelling
ambience
show examples
 of a town. Lush green spaces,
well designed
Add a hyphen
well-designed
show examples
 playgrounds, and
sports
 fields create an inviting and pleasant environment for
residents
 to enjoy
whereas
 shopping centres may lead to congestion, increased traffic, and a more commercialised
athmosphere
Correct your spelling
atmosphere
, which could detract from the town's
overall
 livability. In conclusion, prioritisation of public
parks
 and
sports
facilities
while
 planning for new towns is paramount for fostering a healthier, more vibrant, and cohesive community.
Submitted by sejal.h on

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task achievement
Check for spelling errors (e.g., 'phycial' should be 'physical', 'engate' should be 'engage', 'athmosphere' should be 'atmosphere').
task achievement
Ensure subject-verb agreement (e.g., 'parks provides' to 'parks provide').
coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of linking words and phrases to improve flow between sentences and paragraphs.
coherence cohesion
The essay is well-organized with a clear introduction and conclusion.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported and relevant to the topic.
task achievement
The essay covers all parts of the question and provides a complete response.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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