Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason for doing this? Is this a negative or positive development?
these days children are facing severe pressure from their
parents
to become successful in life
. In my opinion , this
is a positive change, even though there are some drawbacks. In this
essay, I will explore it.
Nowadays, Parents
tend to put their scions under a lot of pressure as they wish for a successful future for them. By giving their offspring to tutors. They are trying to improve the educational background of children or to sport,ensuring they will be healthy. And requiring them to be the best in class, at school, in the country and even in the world.
As a result
, we have a child with a powerful background in education and sports, So he or she can easily pass an exam at a prestigious university, win a scholarship or grant and study free of charge. Moreover
, after graduating from university They will be able to find a well-paid job and feed their family, they will not have a problem with money as 80 % of the population do, they will be financially independent, briefly, they will win a life
On the other hand
, these changes may have negative effects on a child's mental health. Due to
the sheer amount of pressure, Scion won't have time for him or herself. This
means they will have no hobbies and a happy childhood which every kid has to have, leading to anxiety, stress and depression.
For example
, parents
want their adolescents to become doctors because, it well-paid and highly valued job in the world,which will guarantee a successful life
, therefore
They force their kids to study medicine, even though the teenager is interested in football and his dream is to become the best football player in the world but he studies medicine and eventually he ends up doctor, well he will have a lot of money, fortune, But he will not happy and deep inside he will regret
In Summary, although
parents
do all these things for the sake of their scions, they have to ask their children what they want from this
life
and give freedom to act as they want.Submitted by ooorciga1 on
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coherence cohesion
Try to use more varied sentence structures to improve the flow of the essay. This can make the essay more engaging and demonstrate your range of writing skills.
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Some points could be developed further to provide a more comprehensive analysis. For example, discussing both positive and negative impacts in more depth would strengthen the argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea. This will make your arguments clearer and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay provides a good introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points discussed.
task achievement
Relevant examples are used to support the arguments, making the essay more convincing.
task achievement
The response addresses both parts of the question, discussing both the reasons for parental pressure and the consequences.
Fully explain your ideas
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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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