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Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools. Others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attending mixed schools. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #boys #girls #schools #benefit
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Some individuals disclose that different genders should engage in separate educational establishments,
while
 other members of the public believe that they should embark on the same
schools
. From my standpoint,
although
 separate
schools
 lead to the betterment of
students
’ concentration on their subjects, mixed
schools
 have more benefits that can cause the enhancement of children’s social capabilities. On the one hand, children who attend separate
schools
 can focus on their studies more than other
students
.
In addition
, the opposite sex carries out as a distractor, and they are not able to learn their subjects efficiently. Indeed, they are not attracted by the opposite sex, so they put all of their energy into their education. For a prime example, Atomic Energy High School and the majority of
schools
 that are situated in religious countries have only one gender, and these
schools
 have numerous
students
 who win gold models of mathematics or other sciences olympiads every year.
However
, life is not restricted to some educational successes, and
students
 who are educated in these
schools
 come across several crises in the communication sector;
therefore
,
this
 phenomenon affects their educational accomplishments, and they get weaker in
this
 part with the passage of time.
On the other hand
,
students
 who participate in mixed
schools
 have an ability to get
along with
 other people effectively.
Moreover
, if they face different genders, they learn how to behave to other people.
Hence
, in their adulthood, they are not prone to some failures that are rooted in poor communication skills.
For instance
, attendees of mixed
schools
, like
schools
 that are located in the US, have better performance in universities and
their
Change preposition
in their
show examples
 lives.
This
 issue is one of the main
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
show examples
 for the success of industrial countries. In conclusion, irrespective of some advantages that separate
schools
 have, mixed
schools
 have greater merits for people’s lives.
Submitted by speher2000behroozifar on

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task achievement
Consider providing more specific examples to support your points, especially in the second paragraph. This will enhance the strength of your argument and make it more convincing.
coherence cohesion
While the essay sections are logically structured, you could improve the transition between ideas within paragraphs to enhance flow. This would make your essay even smoother and easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear and structured introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussion.
task achievement
You presented a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages related to each schooling type, which shows comprehensive task coverage.
coherence cohesion
The logic in the essay is clear and easy to follow, with a good use of coherence to connect ideas.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • co-education
  • gender segregation
  • peer pressure
  • academic performance
  • gender stereotypes
  • discrimination
  • social skills
  • teamwork
  • collaboration
  • diversity
What to do next:
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