IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4.5

some argue that governments should take care of disadvantaged people such as the unemployed and needy. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#argue #governments #care #people
While
 a group of
people
 say that governments have to help
people
 who are poor and jobless another group
aren`t
Verb problem
don`t
show examples
 agree with that
However
 I strongly agree with
this
 matter. Giving a hand to poor or
homless
Correct your spelling
homeless
people
 by
government
 is a
realy
Correct your spelling
really
 good idea.
Residebts
Correct your spelling
Residents
 can consider some fee for these locals, including some
foods
Fix the agreement mistake
food
show examples
 or
place
Correct article usage
a place
show examples
, where they can sleep at
nights
Fix the agreement mistake
night
show examples
 or give them some general jobs,
can
Correct pronoun usage
which can
show examples
 help them to be more comfortable and the number of these
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of society can be less. In
this
 way
criminal
Fix the agreement mistake
criminals
show examples
 decrease. Helping these
people
 could improve them to be better or
having
Wrong verb form
have
show examples
 a job and
familly
Correct your spelling
family
 and
also
 a warm house. Some of them are looking for a
apportunity
Correct your spelling
opportunity
 to
improved
Change the form of the verb
improve
show examples
 their life or
being
Wrong verb form
be
show examples
 a normal person when
government
 help them and
give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
show examples
 them
this
 access they use it totally and change their life. Even though some of them could be able to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
really
sucssesful
Correct your spelling
successful
 person point to the
Gurdian
Correct your spelling
Guardian
 newspaper the percentage of poor
people
 in countries where their
government
 help them and give them a job decreased by almost 10
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. In some
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
case
Add a comma
case,
show examples
 there is some
spacial
Correct your spelling
special
show examples
 condition.
May they
Verb problem
They
show examples
 are enjoying
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the situation
which
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
they are in even
they
Correct word choice
though they
show examples
 don`t want to change, so for
this
specafic
Correct your spelling
specific
 group care and help haven`t got any
affect
Replace the word
effect
show examples
 on them and they are not going to move
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 own. If they were in
these situation
Change the determiner
this situation
these situations
show examples
, governments have to charge them
insted
Correct your spelling
instead
 of
help
Change the verb form
helping
show examples
 them. In general for
government
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
 to be more important
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 situation of these
part
Fix the agreement mistake
parts
show examples
 of society, who need care. Officials must solve
this
 problem because I can`t
to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
sugest
Correct your spelling
suggest
 a
profassional
Correct your spelling
professional
 solution before
get
Correct subject-verb agreement
gets
show examples
 late.
Submitted by TUTOO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task achievement
Introduce more specific arguments and back them up with concrete examples to strengthen your essay. This would help better achieve the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Check for spelling and grammatical mistakes, as these can distract from the content. A thorough proofread could help elevate clarity.
coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between your points. Utilize linking words and clear transitions to guide the reader through your essay more smoothly.
task achievement
Your essay includes multiple viewpoints and attempts at addressing potential counter-arguments, which shows depth in thought.
task achievement
You provide examples and possible solutions which add context to your arguments, making them more relatable.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: